 団野 薫 |
| 団野 薫 |
《 ＜Ma> and Interpersonal Relationship 》
contents
I What is Ma ?
--- referring to dictionary definitions
II The features of Ma
--- two main components :
Hodo Hodo /Moderate
Fusoku Furi /Neither close
nor remote
III Maintenance of Ma
--- its practicalprocesses/procedures
IV Construction of Ma
--- considering i on the basis of
hanasi a-i/talk
preface
Ma is the grace of traditional Japaneseculture and arts.
Kabuki, Noh, Nihonnga ( Japanese painting ) , Ikebana (flower
arrangement ) , Sadoh(tea ceremony), Kendoh, Sumoh, and
so forth --- in all these and other it makes appearances,
ubiquitously, and elusively.
It is also diverse and multi-faceted.
And, most of all, it is so profound
as one of the basic ideas of Japanese ways of life.
In everyday world of Japan, we encounter such familarwords
as expressing, for example:
Ma wo toru / = to take Ma
Ma wo oku / = to put Ma
Ma wo kaku / = to lack Ma
Ma zumari / = to narrow Ma
Ma doh-i / = Ma is remote
Ma a-i / = timing to do something
Ma nur-i / = Ma relaxed
Ma ni a-u / = to be on time
Ma nobi / = expended / expanded Ma
Ma ga nukeru / = Ma dropped out
Ma nasi / = holding no Ma
etc.
Nevertheless, --- alas for me ---
it is hpoelessly impossible toentouer books andmaterials (materials)
related to; the only one thing available for me is a portable
elecric dictionary (SHARP ELECTRIC DICTIONARY) at hand.
Not to be discouraged, nor dismayed by this terribly miserable
situation, and, with all my boldness, I dicided to explor in to the
world of, particulary, interpersonal relationships.
So join me, please, if you have some time.
I
What is Ma ?
First of all, allow me to retreive from the KOHJI-EN * the mean-
ings/explanations of, but --- that is, some of them are excluded for
the reason tha it is hard to recognize their relevancy to Ma.
_______________
* KOHJI-EN is the name of Japanese
language dictionary installed in my
electric dictionary : SHARP ELECTRIC
DICTIONARY ( CPW = MI00; 5DO 886 ).
_________________
Ma is described as , according to KOHJI-EN :
ma
① mono to mono * , matawa, koto koto no a-ida. **
a-i. kankaku.
〔① between thing and thing, or event and event .
pause. interval. 〕***
⒜ a-ida no kuukan. sukima. 「--- wo tsumeru.」
「--- wo hakaru. 」
〔⒜ space between. gap. 「to close --- 」
「to measure --- 」〕
⒝ a-ida no jikan. hima. itoma. 「--- mo naku 」
「mada --- ga aru 」
〔⒝ time between. free time. leave.
「in no --- 〔time 〕 」 「we have ---
〔time 〕 yet 」 〕
⒞ aru koto ni atehamaru hito tuzuki no jikan
「neru --- mo na-i 」 「 tuka no ma 」
〔⒞ a series of time put to some certain
event 「 have no --- 〔time〕 to sleep」
「 in a moment 」〕
② nagasa no tan-i
⒜ i-e nado, tatemono no hasira to hasira no a-ida
⒝ tatami no sunpoh wo i-u
〔unit of length
⒜ between pillars of a house, etc.
⒝ size of tatami 〕
➂ 〔the place inside a house, which is partitioned by
byohbu / fusuma （ Japanese partioning screen）,
etc. 〕***
⑷ 〔concerning the condition of Japanese music and
dance, 〔 it means ）a rest and an interval by which
to produce expected rhythm. Transferred, it
meams sense of rhythm of the whole. 〕
⑸ 〔a time of silence put between in line and line
in a play in order to leave vibrations （yo-in） 〕
＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
* This and the following italic are the
words, phrasea or sentences spelled
in the Roman alphabet.
** Underline is mine. So are the follow-
ings ones.
*** The English words, phrases, put in
square brckets are all translated by me
(the writer of the preent paper )
**** My translation ( into English ) only men-
memtioned, for the original Japanese
sentence is a little too long / complicated
to mention here, so omitted. That is
to say, in the following, only short
Japanese sentences are to be taken up .
_________________
Now, along with our main concern, our main theme --- an exploration
of Ma, and picking out of its above quoted explanation ① the phrase
「thing and thing 」 and transferring it to 「person to person」, allow me
to specify Ma as that between two people ( persons ) of interpersonal
relationships , and to attempt to consider and examine it.
As the meanings / explanations of Ma are varied and in a diversity,
it seems proper for us to intuitively and arbitrarily decide to focus
our attention on one point, that is , "a-ida", or" between ", the word
already underlined on the above.
To proceed, then, to consult the KOJI-EN, " a-ida " :
a-ida
【between】
① a part which is put between two things.
spsce / part put between thing and thing.
② jikan no hedatari. ta-ema . 「--- wo okazu,
shaberu 」
〔gap of time break 「chat without --- 」 〕
③ koko kara asoko made hito tsuzuki no kuhkan-
jikan.
「 ka no --- toji komori」 「hi no aru --- hataraku」
〔⒜ sequence of time from here to there 「to
shut oneself in --- for 7 days 」 「to work ---」〕
④ hutatu ijoh no mono no kakawari-a-i, musubitsuki.
kankei. naka. 「fuhfu no --- ga mazuku naru」
「futari no --- wo torimoto 」
〔 relation, connection bewteen more than two things
「--- of a couple gets worse. 」 「to mediate ---
between the two people 」 〕
⑤ kuhkan jikan jyoh no ( da-ita-i no) han-i. uchi.
「gakuse-i no --- de hayatte iru 」
〔（approximate ） range of space and time.
among. 「fashionable ---- students 」 〕
To continue to search for the underlined part of a-ida --- i.e.,
hedatari (/between ) , which seems to most deserve our attention
in the present context.
hedatari
【 distant 】
hedararu koto, mata hedatatta do-a-i. kyori. sa
「Ryohsha no i-ibun ni --- ga aru.」 「Kimochi no ---
ga dekiru」
〔 to be distant degree of being distant distance
difference 「There is --- in opinions between the
two persons. 」 「There arises a --- between there
feelings. 」 〕
And, to go on further, looking up the above underlined word,
kyori:
kyori
【distance】
➀ hedatari. a-id. 「eki kara eki made no --- 」
「choh --- 」 「Ryoh-an ni ha --- ga ari sugiru.」
「 --- wo o-ite tsuki-a-u 」
〔 gap between 「 --- from station to office 」
「 long --- 」 「There is such a --- between both
plans. 」 「to have contact, keeping a --- 」 〕
The chain of the meanings / explanations, started from Ma in a kind
of ' association game' with a leap of intution, links the words above
underlined in the following mode:
Ma --- a-ida/between --- hedatari/gap --- kyori/distance,
which, then, turn back or get reversed : kyori/distance --- hedatari ---
a-ida/ between.
It is like a vicious cycle.
We seem trapped in it.
So, let us put a perid on the present search of meanings/ explanations
of Ma, and allow me to propose the meanig of Ma as kyori / distance ---
just tentatively, though.
It is simply because as kyori / disdtance, among the words (meanings)
related to Ma in explaining it, has most frequently appeared, so I came to
an understandind tha it could be concieved to be most proper and suit-
able to that of Ma.
To add something for the kpresent, Ma in terms of interpersonal rela-
tionships could be assumed as kyori / distance between two people
( persons ) related therewith. So, let us specify a little more its meaning
here. As the second choice of its meaning / explanation, to repeat, it is
described:
kyori
【distance 】
① 〔already described above 〕
② 〔 ( math) length of line whith relates two points
is called distnance 〕
〔 The following explanation is omitted. 〕
Kyori / distance is assumed to imply nagasa / length. Actually,
in the world of everyday experiences, kyori / distance is, we could
say, grasped by the image of nagasa / length.
To look it uo in the KOHJI-EN, further:
nagasa
【length】
➀ 〔to be long, or, the degree of being long or short
distance between 2 points along with a straigdht
line or a curve 「to measure --- 」 〕
➁ jikoku to jikoku tono a-ida no hedatari, mata,
sore no ohki-i koto . 「matsu jikann no ---」
〔 gap between hours, or, it's being a large
one 「--- of waiting time」 〕
From the meaning explained above, nagasa / length could be
grasped in close relevancy to kyori /distance. To put it another way,
I could assume kyori / distance as implying nagasa / length.
Adding to it, we could also assume the idea of hirogari /breadth
which makes a kind of antonymous contact with nagasa / length.
Allow me to examine it.
hirogari
【breadth】
hirogaru koto mata, sono te-ido
〔 to broaden, or, its degree 〕
As such, it seems too simple and consice an explanation, indeed.
So, to turn around to the Japanese - English Dictionary* to search
the particular word, it goes:
_________________
* The JIHNIASE (Genius) JAPANESE-
ENGLISH DICTIOARY installed in
my electric dictionary (op.cit. )
__________________
hirogari
【extent expanse stretch spread 】
extent
( mori kuni nado no ) hirosa, hirogari, hiro-i chi-iki.
〔 expanse, stretch, spread of broad area ( such as
wood, country, etc. 〕
《emphasis is put on length/nagasa, compared
with hirogari》
expense
《se-isiki》 ( hatesinai ) hirogari ; hirobiro to sita
basho 「kuhkan 」
〔 《formal 》 (endless) vast, broad place 〔space 〕
《 emphasis on the flatness of hirogari 》 〕
Picking up the above underlined word, and retrieve it from the
KOHJI-EN, again:
kuhkan
【space】
〔 ➀ A part which has a relatively large hirogari
where no object exists. empty / vacant place
「to utilize --- of an attac」
➁ omitted, for the explanation is too philosophical
which, means none of our concern here. 〕
To go on to serach the English version of the word, kuhkan ---
i.e., space in the English- Japanese Dictionary. *
_________________
* The Jiiniasu (Genius) ENGLISH-
DICTIONARY) instaalled in my electric
dictionary (op.cit.).
__________________
space
❶ basho; zaseki; yochi; simen; a-ita tochi;
tatemono no hirosa, menseki.
〔place; seat; room; sheet; area; (of building ),
square 〕
❷ universe, outer place
❸ space; to be spacious
❹ 〔 omitted 〕
❺ kankaku, kyori, supehsu
〔interval, distance, space 〕
❻ jikan, kikan ; sibaraku no a-ida.
〔time, period; for a space of 〕
As a word relavant to that of ' space' , ' area ' might as well be sug-
gsted.
According to the English-Japanese Dictionary:
area
❶ ( tokutei no ) chi-iki, chihoh
〔 ( special) section, locality 〕
❷ ku-iki, basho, kuhkan; hiroba, akichi.
〔 zone, place, space; square, empty space 〕
❸ katsudoh nado no ryoh-iki, hani; mondai.
〔 domain of activities, etc., range; problem 〕
〔 the following explanations omitted 〕
To scan the meanings / explanations as quoted above, I could again
figure out the associated chain of hirogari / expense --- kuhkan / space
--- area, and discern that this chain be deeply relavant to kyori dis-
tance; to repeat, hirogari / extent / expense, as does the case of
nagasa / length, has close relevancy to kyori / distance.
By the way,
in so far as the meanings / explanations of hirogari / extent / expance
is concerned, it is easily recognizable a tendency toward special fea-
tures to be overwhelmingly dominant, however, when we speak of
space / kuhkan, wehat comes as a matter of course in mind is time,
or jikan.
jikan
➀ toki no 2 ten kan (no nagasa). toki no nagasa.
「--- ga aru」 「kono sigoto ha --- ga kakaru」
「kinmu --- 」 「--- wari」
〔 length of time between 2 points temporal
length 「we have --- 」 「This work takes --- 」
「working ---」 「--- schedule」 〕
➁ zoku ni, jikoku to dohgi. 「kaeri no jikan ga oso-i」
〔 popularly, synonymous to hour 「--- to come home
is late 」 〕
➂ 〔 together with space, time constitutes the founda-
tion of human recognition 〕
It is discernible that jikan, also, as does time, implies nagasa /
length. And, what is more significant in our of Ma in interpersonal
relationships of time is that we should take into consideration the
particular elements such as jiki and timing.
To look up jiki and ta-imingu (timing) in the KOHJI-EN,
jiki
【timing】
tekitoh na kikan. chohdo yo-i toki. koro-a-i.
si-odoki.
「--- wo ukagau」 「--- tojra-i 」
〔 appropriate chance just good chance opportunity
time for (--- ) 「to watch --- 」 「arrival of --- 」 〕
ta-imingu
【timing】
〔 to take as an opportunity to do to catch good
chance, or, just good for an opportunity time
「out of --- 」 〕
Looked in theis way, jikan / time could be concieved as the element
carrying the value equivalent to kuhkan / space, but since the mean-
ingss / explanations given by the above dictionaries show kyori /
distance, nagasa / length, hirogari / extent / expanse / all take on
special coloration as mentioned above, I would like to proceed, in the
present, our theme : 《An exploration of Ma 》 soly in the kuhkan /
space context.@
______________________
@ As indicated just above, jikan / time is indispensble
an element to specify the idea, ideology of Ma,
so, I would like to take another opportunity to
challenge it, but, hopefully, another another per-
son / explorer to do so.
In this connection;
As a clue to especially clarify the concept of Ma,
its dictionary explanations already above quoted
➃ and ➄ might well be appropriate /suitable.
Relevant to ➃, rizumu (-kan), or rhythm (-sense)
attracts our attention. That is to say, in order to
produce / create rhythm, "a rest and an interval "
is put in the course of time, which is concieved as
composing Ma, and so production / by putting "rest
" / " interval " of such rhythm --- in other words,
setting / taking of temporal Ma would be concievble
to be most possible through production / interpreta-
tion of jiki / timimg.
In terms of ➄ Ma is explained as 「time of silence
between a line and line. 」 This kind of temporal length,
or" interval", if it is taken too long, takes the form
of Ma too muched extended / expanded, and, if too
short,it makes Ma as narrowed. For the most proper
moment to determine and realise Ma, then, it is
assumed as necessary or inevitable to watch and take
jiki / timing.
Anyway, with these two kinds of explanation (free
interpretation), we can say, an attempt to approach
to clarification of temporal Ma would not be futile.
____________________
II The Composition of Ma
⁑⁑ Hodo Hodo ⁑⁑
To speak in advance, Hodo Hodo is assumed as one of Ma’s main
components, and, most essential and effective for Ma between two
people in interpersonal relationships.
* lovers always in dispute
* close friends who share everything
* a couple too familiar with, and, fed up
with, each other
* ' it's none-of-my-concern' attitude
The extreme cases such as mentioned above of the world of inter-
personal relationships, would be soon driven to catastrophe. After all,
it would be that the best way to have contact with people is to go to
the extreme, and to keep the distance of Hodo Hodo from each other,
wouldn't it?
This kind of experience / understand is often seen and heard in vari-
ous secenes of everyday life. And, one would learn therefrom that
keeping / maintaining the distance of Hodo Hodo is the most effective
in interpersonal relationships.
⁑ tekitoh / moderate ⁑
Wha is Hodo Hodo, then?
I would like to return to, and to retrieve (partially extract) from, the
KOHJI-EN the everday and ordinary used meanings of the phrase,
Hodo Hodo.
It reads:
hodo hodo
➀ 〔 omitted 〕
➁ chohdo yoi te-ido tekido
〔 the degree that is just good adequacy 〕
To pick up the up the underlined word, tekido, and seek for its meaning:
tekido
【modest】
hodo yo-i koto tekitoh na te-ido
「--- ni hiyasu」 「--- na undoh」
〔 being fairly good ( / modest ) degree of moderate-
ness 「to cool down --- 」 「--- excercise 」 〕
tekitoh
【proper】
➀ 〔 to apply properly to a condition, or goal
「A person who is ---. 」 「 ---space」 〕
➁ 〔 to behave smart and properly, coping well
with a given situation lurkwarm
「 to cope with --- 」 〕
i-ikagen
【lurkwarm】
➀ yo-i hodo-a-i hodo hodo 「--- ni yaki agaru 」
〔 the degree that is moderate properness
「 baked up --- 」 〕
➁ 〔 not to consider the order not to go thoroughly
irresponsible without delibration 〕
➂ ( hukusiteki ni moti-ite ) sohto da-ibun kanari
「--- matasareta 」 「--- iya ni naru 」
〔(use advervely) considerably farily quite/
pretty 「 we were kept waiting --- long 」
「 get --- annoyed 」 〕
Following the underlined parts (words) of the above meanings / expla-
nations, I find myself, again, trapped by the vicious cycle of Hodo Hodo:
hodo hodo --- tekitoh --- tekido --- i-ikagen --- tekido --- hodo hodo.
So, here, in this connection, let me turn around, and catch such English
words as 'moderate ', ' moderation', ' modest' as they come in my mind
--- all by intuition, though.
To retrieve each of these words from the English-Japanese Distionary,
and, firstly, ' moderate ', it is explained as:
moderate
❶ tekido no hutsuh no nami no
ma-a ma-a no soko soko no koro-a-i no
❷ setsudo no aru onkenn na kyokutan ni hasiranai
odayaka na onwa na
onkenn na hito
〔The folowing explanations are omitted. 〕
〔❶ modest ordinary mediocri ; ( indicationg in a
roundabout way something not more mediocre /
ordinary) well, well so, so opportune
❷ temperate not to run to the extreme moderate
mild serene
middle-of- the-road
Going further to look up other two words in turn:
❶ moderation
setsudo tekido; onken onwa; sessei
onwa
〔modest modetateness ; moderate / middle-
of- the-road ; temperance mildness
〈 sample sentences 〉
∦ Moderation (= hara habibu) in eating
keeps your health.
∦ Moderation in all thing.
(Japanese proverb: nanigoto mo
hodo hodo ni )
❷ 〔omitted 〕
modest
❶ hika-emena kenson site tsutsusimi buka-i;
joh-hin na amari yokuna-i
〔❶ reserved / moderate humble humble
decent; shy / reserved; demure graceful /
conservative
❷ moderate / proper reasonable 「in a round -
aout way 」 humble / low respectable / not
so bad not very good
As a result of scanning the meanings / explanations of the phrase,
Hodo Hodo, and the words associated to to it, tekitoh could be assumed
--- this isjust a rough understanding and only a tentative conclusion,
though --- to be most suitable for, and appropriate to, the primary com-
ponent of Hodo Hodo asscharacterising it rather than tekitoh, despite that
it appears early on the second choice of the KOH-JI-EN's explanation of
Hodo Hodo, whose reason would be revealed in due course.
Among English words mentioned in the present connection, 'moderate'
seems intuitively to me most corresponding to the Japanese phrase, Hodo
Hodo. It is that moderate somehow approproximates Hodo Hodo.
So, heareafter, Hodo Hodo would be interpreteed as 'moderate ' on the
whole.
A word for ---
Tekitoh / moderate is, to be more precisely examined, not meaningful-
ly consistent with tekitoh / accuracy. That is, it is not in a position of
rigorously sticking to rules or standards. Nor does it take the standpoint
of < either - or >. It lies in the domain which is neither black nor white;
--- in the ' grey zone ', so to speak. It might well come near or close
to " fussy theory (logic)" of computer science.
In the sense, it can be said to connote ambiguity / vagueness.
For the sake of the shade it carries as such, ambiguity / vaguness is apt
to, generrally and regretably, evoke a feelingg of avoidance or negative
evaluation among people. However, when it comes to the interpretation
of Hodo Hodo in Ma of interpersonal relationships, positive value is
thoroughly to be attached to ambiguity / vaguness.
It is not meant to be tekitoh in the sense that it equals 'moderate ' ---
which certainly makes one feel somehow bewildered, though.
Tekitoh is tekitoh. It is neither irresponsible, nor lukewarm.
⁑ chuhyoh / medium ⁑
What is tekitoh / moderate more in detail ?
Allow me make an attempt to answer this question.
Tekitoh / moderate, to repeat, is assumed as the primary sub-com-
ponent of Hodo Hodo. In deepening an understandimg to the meaning
of tekitoh / modetarte, the English word, ' medium ' has sparkled in
my mind --- this is just out of my imagination or intuition, and no
other reason than that.
To look up the particular word in the English-Japanese Dictionary,
it is explained variously under 11 items among which two items appear
to fit our search:
medium
--- nown
❶ chuhyoh chuh-i; chuhyoh
〔intermediate middle range; mean / average 〕
∦ strike ( hit, achive, attain ) a happy
medium ( between... )
--- adjective
❷ chuh-i no chuhkan no
〔 average medium 〕
∦ a medium price
∦ medium and small companies
∦ a medium-boiled egg
∦ He is of medium build
Going back, further, to the KOHJI-EN, and retrieve the above under-
lined word, chuhyoh:
chuhyoh
➀ 〔 to be impartial ( katayorazu) , and to
be unchanged ( kawarana-i ) not being too
much, nor too less the road of the im-
partial ( chuhse-i ) 〕
➁ jinjoh no hito bonyoh
〔 an ordinary person mediocre 〕
And, then, to proceed to the Japanese-English Dictionary:
chuhyoh
golden mean
moderation
∦ moderation in all things
medium
∦ strike ( hit, attain, achive ) a happy medium
(between... )
The word, 'medium' can be said to imply impertiality in the sense
of leaning toward neither one side nor the other; it excludes the ex-
treme. Not radical (-ized ), nor too excessive. Yet, it does not mean
'average', or 'fifty -fifty split' ; nor does it mean to 'go to halves'.
Here we have an old Japanese poem, ha-iku:
Medetasa mo
chuh gura-i nari
ora ga haru
--- Issa
( the poet's name )
〔 happiness seems to be,
in striking in the happy mean,
for my dear spring
--- translation mine 〕
The expression or phrase, 'chuh gura-i nari ' in the poem, haiku, cited
above exactly explains, it could be assumed, the content of the word,
chuhyoh. That is, it means 'the happy ( / golden ) mean. '
As a conclusion, again tentative though, based on the review we
have so far made on it, chuhyoh /medium is settlted to compose an-
other prime meaning of Hodo Hodo.
Incidentally,
what is it ( chuhyoh / medium ) ever searched for ?
It is, needlss to say, related to Ma in interpersonal relationships.
Roughly speaking, Ma implies the mental state of ' up ' and / or ' down '.
To grasp the former as ' tension ' , and the latter, ' relax ' , respectively
on the both ends of the line ( as illustrated below ), chuhyoh / medium is
located in nakahodo.
Nakahodo means, according to the KOHJI-EN :
nakahodo
➀ kikan ya basho nado no mannaka no atari
➁ hinsitsu / jun-i nado no, chuhgura-i no te-ido.
「 se-iseki ha --- datta. 」
〔 ➀ about-the-middle of a period or place
etc.
➁ degree of being about the middle of quality /
rank 「 Records were --- . 」
Chuhyoh / medium, then, is not a point , nor a center (core) on the
halved line ; it implies nakahodo, that is, ' about-the-middle ' of the
line.
It follows as this :
・＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿ ( about-the-middle ) ＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿ ・
tension relax
As we move leftwards, Ma gets narrowed, there appears Ma zumari,
or narrowed Ma. Tension mounts / hightens. On the other hand, to
move rightwords , Ma becomes relaxed, or loosened, Ma. Ma at this
moment degenerates between the two people related, and soon would
be drawing to a cease or disadppearance.
In this connection, the sketches of small episodes @ are predpared :
____________________
@ The episodes illustrated here or to be
illustrated hereafter are all not ' true
stories.'
They are fictions that the writer has
composed with reference to the true
stories in the world of everyday life
experi-encensed, personally and indirectly
by media.
___________________
≴ dying for a date ≵
At the beginning, trying to make personal contact with her,
he sent her E-meals and little gifts asking for a date. He
seems to be too eager for a success. The more struggled he
got, in desdperatesly trying to approach her, the more
narrowed ( or, stuffed ) grew the distance or Ma between
them, which made her feel almost choking.
Ma zumari rapidly appeared.
His impetuous passion became press and pressure for her;
She got bored, annoyed, and disgusted with relactancy,
and, even, anger.
At last, she dissappeared from his sight.
The interpersonal relationship of the two ended up ; it was, maybe,
because he failed in keeping Ma , or the distance of chuhyoh / medium
from her. And, sorry to say, he lost her.
To sketch another episode, next :
≴ a bitter experience ≵
The first impression was very good and favorable to each.
Knowing that they share the same hobby, they sspent time
talking enthusiasticly about it, nodding with each other ;
everytime they met, they got hot, and felt very happy ---
tension, or excitment and feeling of happiness, grew up
all the more.
But, such sweet days do not, usually, last long. It is just
as affair of a moment.
It came to a close.
And, there came burn out and apathy.
Never want to meet any long ...
At the happy moment, Ma in the sense of chuhyoh /
medium could hardly exist between the two. They were
too close and toght, this causd a serious reaction: repel-
ling each other.
Ma became quickly distant. And there would appear Ma-
daru-i, or loosened Ma. If, from the beginning, they could
keep between them a chuhyoh / medium-distance, their
contact must not have been such a way as this.
But, if so, they would ' nt have experiednced that blazing
excitement like falling in a buring love.
The proverb goes : What 's done cannot be undone."
The best way, it seems, is to find a satisfaction in keeping oneself
" in the happy (/golden ) means" ;
without going to the extreme,
neither too much, or too less,
so that one can maintain a 'medium' distance with each other.
Yet, it is truly difficult to realize the very philosophy.
Perhaps, its realization might be possible, when the two meet again
some time, somewhere, provided that they could enjoy a new encount-
er, recollecting their pretty bitter past, and being smart / cautious
enough not to repeat that experience again, and compose a new Ma,
--- or, a distance of chuhyoh / medium.
≴ tragedic ... ≵
It was already a past for him.
She, on the other hand, was still up in the cloud with him,
lingering on her love.
He was in a mood of " let-down " . Like a flat bear.
There was in himseslf no more passion; all is gone.
For her, then, distance from him, passing through
Ma as chuhyoh / medium, went further ardently further.
Nevertheless,
she still desired ardently to keep love with him, and,
desparately, tried to re-kindle her romance, which,
contrary to her expectation, resulted in vain efforts
for her.
Love is a sparkling of a moment.
Especially, ' love affair in summer time.'
It ends up as summer is gone.
Let's keep a medium distance firmly, get cool, and, enjoy those
happy days.
Now, back to the content / meaning of chuhyoh / medium as the
prime and secondary component of Hodo Hodo / medium, for a re-
view.
Chohyoh / medium is assumes to be ' middle ' . However, it does
not mean 'a middle point ' in any dsense ; it is not exactly the point
as such. It is about / around the middle point. It is the middle resdgion
between < tension ―― relax > sceme ( line ).
The particular region is tentative, and temporary. Neither unchaned,
nor unmoved. It is elastic; free to expand and expand.
⁑ kyo / emptiness ⁑
Here, our attempt is to specify, by tuition, and, with a leap of imagina-
tion, the primary sub-component of Hodo Hodo / moderate.
It is kyo.
To retrieve this rather unfamiliar word from the KOHJI-EN (and part-
ially extract ):
kyo
➀ munasi-i koto nakami no nai utsuro
kara
〔 ➀ feel empty without content hollow or empty
nothing inside / empty 〕
To take up the underlined words, in turn:
utsuro
〔 ➀ having nothing to fill within, and so being
empty or such a place
➁ ( omitted )
➂ being empty without content 〕
kara
〔 ❶ nothing is there within the sight
➀ nothing inside
➁ nothing to possess 〕
Scanning the meanings above extracted, we could figure kyo by
the adjective, ' empty ' and the phrase, ' nothing inside '. The
former features the concept of kyo, while the latter indicates its
content. Yet, it must be somehow quizzical to assume kyo as ' empty '
or, we should say, ' emptiness ' and ' nothing '.
So, allow me to try to solve this quiz by recapturing it in relevance
to Hodo Hodo / moderate of Ma in interdpersonal relationships.
Firstly, kyo is assumed as kara or emptiness / nothing inside. Ab-
brevatedly, it can be expressed as kyo / emptiness. Transferred, this
assumption to Hodo Hodo region of Ma, it would be featured in the
following way.
In the area of kyo / kara = emptiness / nothing inside, it is not admitted,
nor permitted to throw at, or dump into. It is ' keeping-off ' zone for
interdnpersonally related people keeping Ma.
What are thrown or dumped is meant, for exaple, ' personal opinion'
one holds to oneself or entertains toward another to be expressed /
maifested. Others : personal asserstion, or insistence, biass, precon-
ceived ideas, feelings, emotion, thoughts, etc. --- all these things are
inhibited to dispose into the kyo / emptiness area.
Particularly so are the experiences that the two people in an inter-
personal relationship have at the moment or before, in keepimg Ma
thereof. ' Dumping / throughing ' is, to be sure, necessary, so long
as Ma of Hodo Hodo is to be maintained.
Kyo / emptiness is, to mention further, not assumed to be dyed with
any of colors which may portray the persons related.
To be ' colorless ' as much as possible.
At the same time, it kyo / emtiness implies avoidance of collisions or
conflicts, etc. caused by personal opinions between two people, in the
sense, it takes on ' neutral ' color.
Furthermore, kyo / emptiness does not mean ' ope space. That is,
it is the space you cannot, and, are not allowed to, throw at and in
anything, just as illegal dumping is. If two people throw / dump, with-
out consideration and carelessly, into the area of kyo / emptiness such
negative things as compliant, dissatisfaction, frustration, irritation,
antagonism etc., it would draw out arious types of trouble and dif-
and difficulties.
Then, not only kyo / emptiness, but Ma would disappear, and, event-
ually, the intepersonal relation itself would dissolve. In contrast, in
so long as the area kyo / empty is preserved, Ma as Hodo Hodo /
moderate would be accomplished.
Concludingly, it is assumed, kyo / emptiness as the primary sub-
component of Hodo Hodo / moderate would be characterized to be
' colorless ' .
It is desired, and desirable, to be crystal-clear as much as possible
in prohibition or suspension of throwing / dumping. And to take on
' neutral coler ' so as to avoid collision and conlict causable by wastes
thrown / dumped into the area of kyo / emptiness.
Now, taking a different angle, allow me feature kyo / emptiness with
the words ordinarily used on the various scenes of daily life.
To enumerate several of them in adjective:
mild,
calm, peaceful,
quiet,
severe, tranquil ..... etc.
To imagine landscape / scenery :
a spring field where heat hase is simmering,
serene sky,
peaceful, calm seashore,
tranquil pond ..... etc.
How about human or interpersonal scenes of two people ?
≴ the lull before, or after .... ? ≵
A couple watching the sea, each sitting on Tetrapod *
keeping a delicate distance, or Ma to the degree that they
could be recognized as a couple.
* blocks made of concrete for
breakwater ( Tetrapod is the
brand name of the maker. )
Not lonely hearts ... ーーー so recognizable even from
far away.
quiet ...
They seem to exchange a word or two, occasionally,
whenever they do so, they turn to each other miraculously
almost simultaneously.
" The lull (calm ) before storm ," or, rather, it might
be calm after storm. Whether the storm may indicate
breaks in life, or, dispute / quarrel over trifiles,
no knows.
From a long distance,
they looked like an old couple chershing quietly the last
chapter of their life, or, else, young lovers dreaming
' la vie en rose'.
Calm, and peaceful ...
only a short while, it seemed, though.
A moment breathing sigh of a little relief.
Was it the sea of spring ?
When severe, cold winter has gone,
and, warm, tender springtime is coming.
Or, autumn sea.
Quiet and tranquil, yet, somewhat lonsome, as if the
bustle of hot summer is all forgotten.
It has already been an old memory.
The sea was, it happens, a lake ...
Kyo / emptiness, to express it in a word, be ' calm, peaceful seashore
or pond .' More suitable be ' the world of the spring green field where
heat haze is simmering.'
Referring to another old ha-iku, again:
Haru no umi hinemosu
Noratari
notari kana
--- Buson Yosa
〔 The sea of spring waves
Quietly, and quietly, (slowly, and slowly)
all day long 〕
Spring sea, or the the green field is ideal state of kyo / emptiness.
Yet, ' this world , ' --- i.e. the world of everyday life, is utterly
eventful; interdpersonal relationships therein are full of trouble and
difficulties erupting ceaselessly. Storms, be they small or big, strike
us constantly and continually.
So, we might as well assume on the basis of the above consideration,
kyo / emptiness is settled down on the expression / phrase:
' calm after storm ' , rather than, ' calm before storm. '
Now, let me sketch 3 episodes relevant to kyo / emptiness :
≴ Her boss is not bad ... ≵
She is a working woman.
Looking somehow sad and unhappy, with a cloud on
her brow, she sighs.
" My boss is very competent, works hard, and teaches
me well ... Eagerly. So I can quickly understand the
task assined on me.
But, that' much.
Conversation is always just on the word side. No talk-
ing about dspersonal matters. Nor any contact after work.
I have never enjoyed having tea time with him. He seems
it's simply alright with me, if only I work what I' m exspected /
directed to do.
I feel myself like a robot or cyborg,
or something like that.
I am a warm- blooded human ! Indeed."
Everything goes well enough, does' nt it ?
Her boss is right and fair; he firmly maintains kyo / emptiness perhaps
a little stubbornly, though. The area of kyo / empty is tatally colorless
and transparent; not dyed, nor taint with any color.
If it is colored, there would appear collision / conflict of opinions feel-
ings between the two. Moreover, if the tone of color be accelerated from
pastel to extremely colorful, ' a calm, peaceful pond ' begins to rage
turbulently, and kyo / emptiness would soon disappear,and so be Ma.
Exhasted by the now disasterous relationshiswithher boss, and utter-
rly annoyed with the complicated situation, she may be in such a
of mind as ; 'I really want to quit my job ...' Or, else, eventually she
must have left the office.
She should try to preserve, as her boss does, kyo / emptiness between
them.
It is so heartily recommended.
≴ boss's favorism ≵
' He is like my own son ... , so I felt.' This is the first
impression the boss, Mr. A, without a son, had toward a
newcomer, Mr. B who joined his departdment.
As his boss, Mr A , started to care for Mr. B on work
and even personal life. But, the boss, unhappy for him,
recieved almost no dresponses he expected from his boy,
Mr. B. Rather, indifferent and unconcerned attitude.
Mr. A's excessive meddling with Mr. B, in other words,
aggresive intrusion into Mr. B' s area of kyo / emptiness,
which, then, colored by Mr. A's favorism for Mr. B ---
this was nothing but a misplaced kindness.
Open favorism may cause a lot of trouble to him, Mr. B.
He got bored, and fed up with his boss' attitude / behavi-
ior, and his persona feeling was : ' Stop it, please, it's
enough ! '
However, Mr. B did not express this feeling of dislikeness
or even disgust directly threw, as did his boss, into the kyo /
emptiness in a calm area ; he just maintain kyo / emptiness
in a calm, peaceful, and colorless, transparent state.
To his troublesome boss, Mr. B, held an attitude which
is noncommittal and reserved, and took a neutral posi-
tion as much as possible.
Lastly, one more episode:
≴ a schoolboy ≵
At a summer evening,
she sat down on the be cn at a busstop. Then, she saw
a schoolboy, sun- tunned, coming toward the bus stop,
bouncing along joyfully.
He noticed her, looking at her quizzically.
She smiled at him, and was amost to say ' Hi ' to him,
but stopped doing so, for she was informed not to speak
to young ones carelessly, or without a valid reason.
So she hesitated.
Resultantly, kyo /emptiness which / empty which is colorless
and crystal- clear 'clear was presrved ; ' a quiet, serene,
appeared in the fall of twilght.
The two, she and the boy, dedparted, without echanging
even a word.
It was a somewhat lonsome summer evening.
Incidentally,
what workings of kyo / emptiness as one of the prime sub-components
of Hodo Hodo / moderate are assumed to be in finterpersonal relation-
ships, then ?
There are two types :
One is ‹ buffer-zone › ; and another is ‹ cooling-off period ›.
In the everyday world, various kinds of collision and conflict are wit-
nessed and experienced. And in interdpersonal relationships, also,
a lot of trouble occur. For example, a dispute over trifles would, at
times, escalates into a serious situation ; it is where a ‹ buffer-zone›
works effectively, which has --- if performed well and so is Ma com-
posed between the two people in interpersonal relationships --- potenti-
atities to avoid / solve trouble and difficulties thereof.
Here is an episode to sketch about ‹buffer-zone › type.
≴ a flat nose ≵
Ms. A was in a shock.
" I' ve never imagined Ms. B saying that dway. I heard her
saying, ' I Have a flat nose.'
( Ms. A has a good-shaped nose, and moreover,
clever and pretty. )
Her pride was a bit hurt, and let down.
Meanwhile, Ms. B murmured to herself to hear what Ms. A
said:
" It' s just her misunderstanding. I haven' t said such a
thing, even a bit. She will soon get to the truth."
She reasonably kept silence, nad took the ‹ wait-and-
see ›policy.
On the transquil waters, rather big waves deemed to begin to roll
at one side, but, at the other, only little ripples aroused, and then
quietened.
、
That is to say, kyo / emptiness played the role of ‹buffer-zone ›.
After a while, reality becomes apparent.
Ms. A is, as sketched above, gifted with intelligence and beauty, and
because of these gifts, she sometimes looked like ' with her nose in
in the air.' Ms. B has once sighed to her acquaintances, " if only
Ms.A does not take that attitude, somehow ' toffee nose', I can get
along with her so well, ' cause she is really good-natured and thought-
ful. "
As a rumor ran, ' toffee nose ' attitude was transformed and fabric-
ated into ' a flat nose'. Since the situation became clear for both, Ms.
A and Ms. made up their discord.
Between them, a calm, peaceful kyo / emptiness once again return-
ed. Ms. B was smartly refrained from throwingg her personal feelings
( negative ones to her friend, Ms. A ) which as a result made kyo /
emptiness work as a ‹buffer-zone›.
Next is the case of ‹ cooling- off period › type.
≴ before going into battle ... ≵
In anger, she seemed to almost lose control over herself.
She was in a furious mood.
" I threw at him ( her husband ) a cussion, and, this
time that was all. But, next time, what would happen,
I am really not sure.
So I made a resuffle of things in cupboard. Tha is,
I reversed the arrangement of goblets, tea cups,
tumbles, and whatnots in the front, those which I am
yet relactant to throw into the waste basket, and which
I used to put back of the cupboard. And, I replaced my
favorite ones bacwards.
While getting so upset, and losing control over myself,
I might throw away to him my favorite tea cups. They
are Wedgwood wares, you know. If broken into peaces,
how much dismayed I may be, no one would know,
nor me !
Incidentally, at that moment ( last time ), I could
barely control my anger, and dstopped myself throw-
ing away.
( --- It's a smart choice, indeed. )
Then, I fixed tea for me with trembling fingers still
in anger.
My husband ?
He hurriedly ran into his own room. "
( --- He is also, without doubt, smart enough. )
By preverving a physical distance between the two, wife and husband,
there appeared the area of kyo / emptiness. It was, then, a calm, peace-
ful afternoon where she could cool off her hot feeling / emotion and set-
tle down herself.
Is the case where cillisions and conflicts unfortumately occur between
two people interpersonal related, a process of ‹ cooling- off period ›
would arise and settle down mental involvement and emotional excite-
ment ; it give a ' thinking time ' by which to bring about delibration and
decision-making for future behavior as well as mental stabilization.
The two, above sketched, later reopened their relationship.
How wouldit be develpoed ? No one knows.
Let' s wait and see.
⁑⁑ Fusok Furi ⁑⁑
Here, in this section, another main component of Ma is to be assumed/
considered.
Regarding Ma, or distance between two people in interpersonal
relationships, what range of it would be most effective, then ?
To this question the answer is:
Referring to everyday experiences and common-sense knowledge of
Japan, it could be asssumed that distance be featured by the concepts
such as Fuaoku Furi and / or Tsukazu Hanarezu. These concepts,
once again, via intuition and imagination, are to be taken into consider-
ation.
Firstly, Fusoku Furi : it is an idiom considering of four Chinese
Characters, or Yoji jukugo.*
＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
* Yoji jukugo is explained by the KOHJI-EN as
" the phrase or idiom which is composed by
four Chinese Characters."
Chinese Characters are those of Chinese-
origin Japanese writing words. And, to add,
a large portion of yoji jukugo is usually
based on Cninese classic literature and
historical facts.
____________________
To retrieve and partially extract this idiom from the KOHJI-EN:
fusoku furi
〔 ➀ to keep relationship between two things, being
neither much attaatched nor much detached 〕
➁ 〔 omitted 〕
The explanation is for us too simple to understand, so let me search
the Japanese-English Dictionary for the other one:
fusoku furi
neutral
( sample sentences )
∦ remain neutral to ...
∦ take a neutral stand on ...
So much for the explanation of Fusoku Furi. So simple and concise
that I turned to another expression of this Chinese-origin idiom.
It is tsukazu hanarezu translated by Japanese words.
To consult the KOJI-EN:
tsukazu hanarezu
fusoku furi no kunyomi
「 ... no kankei 」
〔 Japanese reading of fusoku furi
「relationship of ... 」 〕
Again, so simple and brief, so going back once more to the Japanese-
English Dictionary, and look into it:
tsukazu hanarezu
〔 no explanation of th idiom cited, and are there
only two sentenses as below 〕
I keep my distance 〔a proper distance 〕 from her.
I keep her at a proper distance. *
________________
* These translated sentences are
the original ; not mine.
_______________
There seems no apparent difference between Fusoku Furi and
Tsukazu Hanarezu, exxcept for their loriginal language, Chinese
or Japanese. They are synonymous.*
__________________
* In order to avoid the burdonsome job to
write Fusoku Furi / Tsukazu Hanarezu ---
in other words, to put those two phrases
in equal positiion shown by ( / ) with re-
gards to the above cited explanation of Fusoku
Furi in dthe KOHJI-EN, because what they mean
is the same, I decided to take up Fusoku Furi as ' formal ' redpresentation of the two phrases
two phrases hereafter, --- occasionally I might
write both, though.
____________________
Summing up the explanations quated from the dictionaries taken up
above, I arrived at a concluding remark that the range of Fusoku Furi
goes from the ' attached ' to the ' detached ' , and in between the
two sides there spreads the ' neutral ' .
However, it made me feel that I must try to deepen the meanings
of Fsusoku Furi or Tuskazu Hanarezu, and so examined the positive
form of Furi / Tsukazu --- i.e., tsuku.
According to the KOJI-EN :
tsuku
〔 ❶ to be in a state that two things are not detached /
detachable
➀ to get together closely to be attached 〕
〔 the following omitted 〕
To put th above explanation in the present context, and interpret
it freely, Fusoku / Tsukazu means that two people ( I and the other)
do not get together closely, nor get detached.
On the other hand, hanareru, the positive form of Furi / Hanarezu is :
hanareru
〔➀ things attatched are untied, and separated
➁ be in a remote place be in a place far re-
moved
➂ remote make a distance / detached go away
➃ lose relationship leave far away
➄ tie / bond is cut off divorce 〕
〔 the following omitted 〕
Reviewing the above meaning-explanatios, and apply them to hanarezu
of Tsukazu Habarezu, it is seen that the word means ' not to be in a re-
mote place,' ' not to be remote,' 'not to make distance' --- to pick up
the more suitable one among others.
Accordingly, Tsukazu Hanarezu implies that two people ( I and the
other ) ' do not get together closely,' 'nor attached,' but, not to be re-
mote / to make distance, nor detached. More concisely, I might as well
say that the phrase,Tsukazu Hanarezu, together with Fusoku Furi, indicates
to be < neither (too) close, nor (too) remote>.
In this connection, allow me to add one word.
While scrutinizing the meaning-explanations avobove cited, I picked up
two kinds of antonym : ‹ attached -- detached ›,
as most proper to express the content ( English version ) of Fusoku
Furi / Tsukazu, and then came to a conclusion that it seems better
to prefer the latter to the former, although there is almost no certainty
as to why I did so.
If I might dare say something, in comparison with the former which
gives us somewhat unfamiliar impression --- in a sense, too psychol-
ogical or else, the latter sounds and appears common (-place ) and
usual. It is, I might say, based on everyday phenomena.
Now, pused forth by theabove understanding , I would like to return
to the warld of daily life to attempt at search for the Fusoku Furi sphere
of interpersonal relationships. To list up the familiar scenes seen and
witnessed in ordinary situations :
* close friends always together ;
* identical twins who share everything ;
* little brother chasing and modelling his elder one ;
etc.
These forms of interdnational relationships are those which are located
on the side --- i.e., the ' close ' side. Then, come those of the other
side.
Some of them are :
* nighbors who do not know each other;
* strangers on the bench at a park;
* divorced couple;
etc.
Their relationships are indifferent, unconcerned and separated ---
in other words, 'remote'.
The types of Ma also, it is assumed, take those similar to the above
descrived. That is to say, Ma has various types of distance, rang-
ing from Ma zumari, or being so ' close ' to Ma nobi of distance so
' remote '.
To illustrate < ' close ' -- ' remote ' > ( of Fusoku Furi ) on a scheme,
it goes as follows :
close ________________________________ remote
( neutral )
Various types of Fusoku Furi (of Ma ) could be, then, placed on
the scheme between ' close ' and ' remote ' with ' neutral ' region
around the middle. And, to add more, the scheme is intermingled
by four factors --- i.e., physical, mental, and spacial, temporal.
In order tospecify the situation more concretely, let us assume and
sketch an episode of ' too remote ' type of Fusoku Furi.
≴ unconcerned neighbor ≵
" I' ve got no contact with him ---
I' ve paid no attention. I know nothing about him."
This is the talk of a neighbor who happened to
live on the same floor with a suspect, when interviewed
by TV reporter.
The above episode puts into relief anaspect of modern ' lonely society '
living physically and spacially ' close ' to one another through, Fusoku
Furi among people is virtually lost. Ma / distance is very remote.
It is more than Ma nobi.
Next is theepispde of the case from ' remote ' to ' close ' .
≴ to make an acquaintance ... ≵
He fields, at a hotel, his room nextdoor to hers.
With a bouquet of roses in hand, he knocks at the door,
saying, " I would be very much delighted, if I could make
your acquaintance.... "
If the door shut on the nose, sorry for him, he is refused,
and droven to thedistance of ' remote ' .
Contrastingly, " How nice it is of you ! " might be her
reply. If so, Ma is instantly narrowed ... i.e., becomes
close, and a happy contact will be expecteed.
Which is his desdtiney, then ?
Other types of Ma, in the ' close ', but ' remote ' cases can be assumed.
* lovers in long distance;
* mother who lives inthe country side, thinking of
her beeloved son;
* a couple weary of their mariied life;
etc.
One more episode in the present connection
--- changing from ' close' to ' remote' ;
≴ her sigh ≵
" I was taken up with him. Dying for a date with him."
This situation makes what we call Ma zumari, or narrowed
Ma. It i filled / stuffed with too much thinking of him and
passion which, sadly, lives short.
So was the case of Ms. C.
" Well, you know ?" She sighed with a little brief.
" I don't even remember when it happened, but, anyway,
I found myself almost forgetting the date with him, the
date I was so much longing for.
I was more taken with a kitty snuggling to my leg.
It seems Ma rapidly loosened, and getting remote.
Fusoku Furi ia no more maintained.
" And, to tell you the truth, I got preoccupied with
a hobby I have new started to learn, and it was pretty
pretty shocking I could'nt recognize who he was, when
he suddenly made me a phone call.
(Is it the end of love ? "
Her distance from him has already been too remote.
Separated desperately ...
" I feel so sad and missing, because he is a tall,
good-looking, handsome one."
Lastly, let me sketch the cases which go (or have gone ) to extreme.
* parent overprotecting her/ his child;
* a heated discussion, or debate ;
etc.
If thses cases of emotional involvement or entanglement settle down
before the parties related notice it, its aggravation, it is quite all right,
but, if escalated, it would invite Ma zumari, and goes to extreme, and
so out of the drange of Fusoku Furi.
And there are the revrse cases. To descrive such an episode:
≴ disappointed love ≵
It was at the time autumn wind began to blow.
When she met him after a short absence, asked him,
" Why don't you go and see a movie? "
His reply was " mumm, hum mun ... "
He seemed rather relactant to her offer, and kept silence,
looking down at fallen leaves. Abruptly, he took his i-phone
out of his bag, and looked to it concentrated.
This was all he did to her. She also turned away her face;
she looked annoyed, and listless; then, with her cellphone in
hand, she started to send mail, and looked happy and re-
freshed.
Although they sat together on the same bench, their minds got into
utterly different directions. They were separated too remote.
This is the case that is also outside the range of Fusoku Furi. As
unconcern, indifference, apathy, or neglect, etc. sneaks between the
two people in interpersonal relationship, they would no more recognize
the existence of each other: this is totally a ' stranger ' situation.
The case of Ma doh-i, a remote Ma which assumes the extreme of
Fusoku Furi --- i.e., ' remote ' , or outside of Ma as Fusoku Furi.
To re-specify, just for sure, the range of Fusoku Furi is meant to
assume to be < neither (too ) close, nor (too) remote >. It means to
maintain the proper region ( range ) of Fusoku Furi which does not
come too close, nor go too remote in interpersonal relationships.
But, ' proper ' in what sense ?
Some indications could be made for the present:
It is that the range of Fusoku Furi, overlaps in a sense overlaps that
of Hodo Hodo / moderate which includes, as its prime components,
tekitoh / moderate, chuhyoh / medium, and kyo /emptiness.
Put this in another way,
the ' proper ' range of Fusoku Furi is figured out, when the content
( three prime omponents ) of Hodo Hodo is placed in its line, < close
<div> --- remote>, more precisely, around the middle of the line.
" Around the middle " does not mean to indicate a clear, sharp
deliniation. It is ambiguous / vage. Not in the sense that it is irrespons-
ible o likewarm, but eslastic and free in fmaintaining Ma as Hodo Hodo.
Incidentally:
in order to maintain Fusoku Furi, it is necessary or indispensable for
us, interpersonally related, to acquire some imperatives to do so.
One of them is jise-i whose English original word is self-control.
I would like, then, to see and examine what it implies to the present
situation.
⁑ jise-i /self-control ⁑
To look the other way around, and search the antonym of jise-i /
self-control, itis ison / dependence. Ison is, according to the KOJI-EN,
explained as:
ison
〔 【 dependence 】
to exist in ldependence on another
「 life depending on parents 」 〕
As such, ison implies dependence another ( thing / person ).
In an attempt to feature ison in interpersonal relationships, we could
we could witness it in ordinary scenses such cases as below:
* mother nagging her child;
* collegue who is someway too insistent;
* excessively self- assertive person;
* one aggressive in-all-direction;
etc.
People of these ison types look, at a forst glimpe, like having over-
whelming power on others, but, are inclined for dependence on others;
their attitudes are just the revers of what they appear on the surface.
For jiritsu / self-control to work, it needs excllusion or elimination
or elimination of ison / dependence such as above mentioned. It
means that one must refrain from casting one's emotions, desires,
feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc., onto another, and meanwhile repel /
reject the other's influences and pressure. In so doing, one behaves
based on the ' compus ' that one has achieved by, and for, oneseslf.
In this connection,
returning to, and consult, the KOHI-EN for jise-i:
jise-i
〔 【self-control 】
to surpress one's own emotions and desires
「 ... anger 」 〕
Reluctant to say this, but what I could get was only a small amount
of information ( explanation ) about jise-i / self-control from the KOH-
JI-EN, I so stepped forward to the Oxford English-English dictionary*
and, retrieve jise-i, or se-lcontrol from it:
_____________________
* installed in my portable SHARP
ELECTRIC DICTIONARY (ditto.)
______________________
self-control
the ability to remain calm and not show your
emotions even you are feeling angrey, excited, etc.
* to lose / regain your self-control
* It took all his self-control not to shout at them.
In this connection, going back to the KOHJI-EN, again, and look up
the word related to jise-i, i.e., jiritsu:
jiritsu
〔 【 autonomy 】
➀ to control one's action by oneself getting
domination and control from outside, and
act according with the norms one establised
by oneself 〕
➁ 〔 omitted 〕
➂ 〔 omitted 〕
Going further to seek for autonomy, the original English word of
jiritu, and to the Oxford English-English Dictionary:
autonomy
1 the freedom for a country, a region or an organi-
zation to govern itself independently
SYM INDEPENDENCE
2 the ability to act and make decisionswithout being
controlled by anyone else giving individuals greater
autonomy their own lives
Now, with the above quated explanations, allow me to sketch and
consider the case of jise-i and jiritsu / autonomy.
≴ a furious father ≵
Fathe is furious about his son.
" I let him be a graduate of the first-class university
and work for one of the leading companies of this
country.
The whole thing my son woes to me.
Neverdtheless, he is utterly unreliable --- indeed.
Without asking me for pardon, he quited his job, has
gone to a distant place, got a new job, and took up
residence there.
How is he thinking of his old parents ?
I cannot count on him a bit "
Father is, we could assume, too much dependent on his son. He
( Father ) is unable to recognize his son asindependent personality /
existence, andso cannot keep a moderate distance ( of Ma ) from
his son. Dependence or ison keeps out Ma as Hodo Hodo and Fusoku
Furi.
Meanwhile, hisson firmly preserves his independence from his fa-
ther, and holds his jiritsu / autonomy.
To see from the son' s side, he is neither indifferent, nor uncon-
cerned as his father bitterly complained; distance between the two
is not so remote as it might be assumed.
For, on knowing his father was to get hospitalized for operation, he
hurriedly returned home, and consulted the physician in charge about
his father's situation.
He, in the ordinary level of everyday life, keeps a distance neither (
too) close nor (too) near, but necessary, swiftly narrows it to proper
rang. This may be sufficient for both him and his father.
Regarding Father, he should abandon his inclination of dependence
on his son ... dependence in that, while treating his son like a de-
prndent little boy, he wants to totally rely on his son, and expects his
support for his life, when aged.
If Father tried to contain / control his selfish, stubborn insistence,
excessive expectations, or desire for ruling his son, he could achieve
jise-i / self-control, and, then, his son's jiritu / autonomy would match
well with his ( Father's ) jise-i /self-control, Ma as Fusoku Furi would
be composed and maintained ... it might be a very hard task to be
accomplished, though.
⁑ sijinteki, sihiteki zone /
personal, privare zone ⁑
Jiritsu self-control and jiritsu / autonomy requires a special space
in which one can stay all alone, or be oneself.
It is one's personal or private place where one cuts off relevances
to another ( people ) temporarily, and, then, for example, faces with one's
thinking time, reviewing over one's past and previewing one's future,
or tranquilizing / cooling one's emotional exitement, etc.
Somewhere like a ' shelter', or ' sanctuary ' , to get isilated and left
alone. In order for jise-i / self-control and jiritsu / autonimy to work,
is required ' privacy ' must be necessariry preserved.
Privacy, reffering to the English-Japanese Dictionary, it reads:
privacy
〔 ❶ free, personal life ( without being interfered
by others ), puraivasih; inta-i / retirement
inton / seclution dokkyo / living in solitude
❷ himitsu / secret na-imitu / confidentiality 〕
To examine puribasih ( Japanese reading of privacy ) under the
KOJI-EN:
puribasih
〔【 privacy 】
freedom of each individual 's personal life,
which dsoes not permit inferenes of others
「 invasion of ... 」 〕
In terms of interdpersonal relationships, puraibasih, which is in the
original Japansese paper under the present title is termed as sihi-
teki is ' personal ' which is in the same sense above taken sas sijin-
teki.
So uderstood, puraibasih, here in the contesxt of interpersonal re-
lationships, possibly implies sijinteki and sihiteki, or personal and
private zone. The two features stand like the two sides of the same
coin, as being equivalent to each other so that we would possibly
unite together, and call them as sijinteki, sihiteki, and/or personal,
private.
To give a little more detailed explanation about this particular zone
of sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, private type, one retires in, or withdraws
into oneself, leading a solitary life --- usually in a short time, though.
it is the place where one can behave / act freely, without interference /
invasion into oneself of another by what he thinks and feedls about
himself. It is, so to speak, one's ' favorite place ' .
The smallest range of sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, private zone would
be physically that of a turn one makes around, spreading both of one's
hands wide open. It could be particulary in mental and invisible terms,
extended / expanded. It is elastic and flexible. However, contingent on
the given situation, the zone would get fixed like a shelter to escape into
and rest there for while.
In this connection, we have one episode as follows:
≴ a little dog's favorite place ≵
Petit has a small place surrounded by a wooden fence
at the corner of a living room. It is his favorite place.
He actually wants to keep a dostance of Fusoku Furi,
or Tsukazu Hanarezu --- in other words, neither (
too) close, nor (too) remote, with his human com-
panyonion, but she is fond of him, and loves him, cud-
dling hugging, kissing,etc. --- all the time. Her expessions
of affection too excessive, too much for him.
Ma and independence or jiritsu / autonomy alike are
gone whereabouts. Choking Ma tortures the poor dog,
Petit.
But, he soon learned something.
As soon as she tries to hold him into her arms tightly,
he swiftly rushes into his favorite place with wooden fence
around it. This is the space of ' Keep Out ' of which is
obtained a tacit agreement between him and her, his
companion; it is the sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, private
space for him to get alone, to be independent, or jiritsu.
A ' niche ' for him.
Thanks to the wooden-fenced corner of the living room,
he gets used to somehow share a calm, peaceful life
with his human companion.
For pet animals, it seems personal, private space is
necessary thing to live, to survive.
Here is another episode:
≴ a sweet kitty ≵
On walking about, she suddenly stopped, and looked
around wondering where she was, then. It was one
corner of a quiet residential area, but quite unkown
to her.
' Mew ~ ~~' a cute voice with a rising tone came up
from underneath. A kitty, about two months old or so,
sunuggling to her leg, seemed to speak to her and ask
her: ' Why don' t you play with me ? '
His attitude was so lovable that she tried to caress
his tiny forehead, it was just when a sharp warning
voice roared up.
' G-gya -- gwa wa wa ~ ~~ '
She looked down dthe bottom of the roadside, and
found a small park with a small chute. At its end,
there lied a large adult cat graring up at here.
It was the kitty's Mama.
She was much amazed, bcause Mama in no way could
have seen whatswas going along up on the road. But
what impressed her more is :
Even for a kitten there does exist personal, private
zone no one should not invade. Othewise, he might
subject to danger of his life or death.
He, too young to know this severe reality, innocently
stepped outside his particular space. As for her, she
was certain to herself that every animal has its own
space of life, and it is crucial to keep Ma, the distance
Fusoku Furi from it, but the kitty was so cute that she
neglected this ' hard-and-fast rule ' of Nature, and
invaded, without intension though, into hsi ' sanctuary'.
His mama did not permit her such attitude.
Mama's wide-opened, big eyes looked telling her:
' It's allright to play with my son, if only you could
keep proper distance from him. Otherwise, don't
approach him.'
She, of course, obediently accepted Mama 's insist-
ence, and left her son, after playing with him, but not
a bit touching him, for a while.
Sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, private zone is, it would be assumed,
determined as to whether or not either of the two parties related in-
trudes into the otherd's space, which, this is most important, the other,
the intruded / invaded one, can hardly recognize it as permissible. Not
permissible is, ' invasion ' , in a word. The space in question is highly
subjective and arsbitrary. That is to say:
With regard to physically visible cases, then, it ( personal, private zone )
would be rather easily preserved and guarded, whereas, in the case of
mental and unvisible kind, it would be prone to, unconsciously, if not
without intention, intrude / invade into the particular space. Under
these circumstances, one may be driven to stand on a dangersous
position such as power harassment, sexual harassment, etc.
To ascertain dalways, or whenever necessary, to each other sijinteti,
sihiteki / personal, private zone is essential for maintaining Ma as Fusoku
Furi in interpersonal relationships.
Lastly, one more episode:
≴ Is he rude ? ≵
At the bench of a park, she enjoyed herself having a little
rest under the shade of a big chestnut tree.
The space around her was exclusively her own personal,
private zone. Then a young man came up abruptly. Putting
his big bag violently on the bench, sat right beside her.
The bench was certainly that of ' for-two ', or double type.
So there was room for one more persson. But, such a case
as this, even if the circumstance is invisible, he sould have
sensed the atomosphere of her sijinteki, sihiteki / personal,
private zone, and imaginatively see it, and be careful not to
her.
Or, if he insists on his dright to take rest at the bench, he
should sak for her pardon:
" Excuse me, but may I --- "
No greeting / begging pardon is just the same as entering
her room without kocking at the door of her room. It implies
nothing but invading into her sijinteki, sihiteki / personal,
private zone.
What would her reaction be, then ?
She may instantly stand up from the bench and walk away.
In this case, not only sijinteki, siteki / personal, private zone,
but also Ma itself would disappear.
Or, contrastingly, with a smile ---
' What type of man is he ? ' , she quizically turns to him,
glaring at him. And, then, finds him a handsome one. And
full of vigor, which makes his performance appear a bit
rough and rude.
She hurriedly shrinks her sijinteki, sihiteki / personal,
private zone ---
Yes, she can, because this particular space is elastic
and flexible. Meanwhile, dhe at thismoment becomes aware
of his rudeness, apologizs her for it, and sets modestly his
personal, private space puting himself in it.
No matter how it may be, sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, privare zone
would be established and kept between both of them, resdpectively,
and Ma is, then, maintained, and so is Fusoku Furi / neither close nor
remote.
Now, to recapture the relactance of Fusoku Furi to Ma, maintenance of
Ma as Fusoku Furi resides between two ( persons ) on the both sides of
the line of interpersonal relationship.
person person
・ ________________________________________・
sijinteki, sihiteki / sijinteki, sihiteki /
personal, private zone personal, private zone
Around each of the two points above illustrated is spreaded his or her
sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, private space, and, it must be indicated,
its borderline is assusmed ambiguous / vague; it dis elastic and flexible
--- all depending on a given situation.
Ma as Fusoku Furi, then, to repeat, lies between two people, each
respectively holding each's own sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, private zone.
However, if, for example, one is a pushy, aggressive type, would cross
Ma / Fusoku Furi without difficulties, and jump into the other's sijinteki,
sihiteki / personal, private zone, it means that Ma gets nadrrowed, led to
Ma zumari ; or, worst, Ma would lose itself, and disappear. For Ma there
would be no ' raison d'étre.' Anticipated are a lot of trouble and diffi-
culties.
As a conclusion, it is that securing firmly by two people in interpersonal
relationships their own sijinteki sihiteki / personal, private zones respect-
ively brings life to Ma and Fusoku Furi as well.
⁑ kizuna / bond ⁑
So, far, we have considered the two sub-components of Fusoku Furi
--- i.e., jise-i / self-control, jiritsu / autonomy, and sijinteki, sihiteki /
personal, private zone.
Still, in order to clarify the whole content of Ma as Fusoku Furi, two
further sub-components which are, it seem, in a sense paradoxical and
must be added.
One dof them is assumeed to be kizuna / bond.
Involved in the idiomatic expresion of Fusoku Furi are the two oppos-
ing menings: < neither close nor remote >.
Nevertheless, two pleple in interpersonal relationships are positively
concieved as linked and united somewhere underneath. Otherwise,
only being ( not ) remote appear between them ( two people in inter-
personal relationships ) too weak and too frail.
Ma and Fusoku Furi as well, if exposed to such weakness and fragility,
it may easily be broken into pieces.
Linkage and unity are, it seems, indispensable and necessary ideas
to explore in the present context. So, in order to specify more concretely
this rather complicated problem, allow me, all over again, to return to
the KOJI-EN to retrieve ( and partially extract ) some of Japanese words
which could be assumed as related to them: linkage and unity. They are
tsunagari, and kizuna.
tsunagari
➀ tsunagaru koto nata, sonomono tsunagari
➁ kizuna renta-i kanke-i 「 chi no --- 」
〔 ➀ to be lined or, linkage itself
➁ bond connection relation 「--- of
blood 」 〕
To retrieve the underlined word,
kizuna
〔 ① the leash which chains anima such as horses,
dogs, or hawks
② indebted affection ( on-a-i ) which is unbearable
cut off tie ( hodasi )
dependent ( ke-iru-i ) bind (ke-ibaku )
∦ a bond of affection
∦ bonds of friendship unite the two men 〕
knot
〔 bond ( kizuna ) ( particularry, between a
married couple en ( knot )
∦ common hardships knitted by the
family together 〕
To summarize, roughly and fearlessly, the above cited meanings,
one of the sub-components of Ma as Fusoku Furi could be assumed
to be integrated into, and refer to, kizina / bond which implies mental /
emotional feature linking and unifying two people interdpersonally
related.
Incidentally,
kizuna / bond, it seems, assume basically and essentially empathy, or
feeling of oneness. However, in terms of interpersonal Ma, kizuna /
bond is not so strenuous, nor so acute as, for example, a hot blazing
surge of oneness-feeling among supporters, or sympathy with deep
grief at a funeral.
It does not stand for the profound level of empathy, but, rather, some
somehow and somewhat sensed by socalled ‹ sixth sense ›.
Mild and soft it is.
Something like air, ordinarily unconkscious, yet, it is assumed to lie
underneath Ma / Fusoku Furi.
Now, let me sketch an episode to illustrate kizuna / bond.
≴ a reunion of old friends ≵
In schooldays, they were best friends.
Ms. D, one of them, quitted her job, got married, and
became ' full-time homemaker.'
The other one, Ms. E, pursued her career; she was
much occupied with work, gaining a variety of exper-
ences through it.
They, then, lived different circumstanses, gradually lost
opportunity to get contact with each other, and even to
exchange greeting cards. Distance between the two
became remote day by day, or rather, year by year.
Bond of friendship which has once been so firm, seemed
to get thinner and thinner, and subject to breakdown.
Ma as distance of Fusoku Furi became all the more
extednded / expanded --- i.e., Ma darui or Ma doh-i.
Years have passed.
Ms. D, stay-at-home-mama, graduated from her '
child-rearing' course; Ms. E, as well, has already got
through her ' work-alchoholic ' days, andcoud afford
to lead a life in the LOHAS ( Lifestyle Of Health and
substantiability ) way.
After such a long separation, they met again.
It was a happy reunion.
Although they have been long separated, Ma between them being
so remote, yet, the kizuna / bond of them has somehow been enter-
tained. The two classmates have been somewhere deep-down in the
mind linked and unified by their kizuna / bond.
After their reunion, they preserved their tie ( kizuna / bond ) and
Ma as Fusoku Furi, respecting, each other's lifestyle and philosophy
of life.
" We have really become grown-up woman, indeed."
This is the comment they had toward each other.
There is not a few cases that interpersonal kizuna / bond seems to be
likely to be broken, but, not so easily as we anticipate, and are afraid
of.
⁑ wakugumi / framework ⁑
The other of the two sub-components of Ma / Fusoku Furi is wakugumi /
framework. It consists of custome, etiquette, convention, common-sense
knowledge, worldview, value, norm, etc. to which we refer, when we see,
feel, and think about the world, and practically act into it.
In the world of daily life, wakugumi / framework is implicit. That is to
say, it implies ' tacit agreement ' , and, in this sense, or, to this degree
Ma as Fusoku Furi is, we could assume, maintained.
However, when people conflict with culture different unknown to
them, or even in the case that, despite the fact of their belonging to
the same culture with general framework, when local customes and
conventions or personal habits disclose discrepancies and gaps among
them, the situation they are involved, at times, does not work well
gets complicated and then, various types of troubles and difficulties
are anticipated to emerge. In this connection, some cases ( episodes )
might help make clear the present point.
Firstly, let us recall and reconsider the abovee sketched episode of :
≴ Is he rude ? ≵
At the beginnig of social contact, ' social etiquette ' --- which is
part of the general wakugumi / framework --- is refquired for one
to keep a modest distance to get aquaintance with another, and so
not to get too close to the other, particularly physically.
So, she reasonably expected him to keep some ( Ma as Fusoku Furi,
but this was simply her personal / partial understanding. He neglected
the general or common wakugumi the present / gramework --- i.e.,
' social etiqiette ' in the present context, which must have been main-
tained between the two, was inevitably dismissed.
He preferred his personal taste and impression to the general waku-
gumi / framework, approached her, narrowing physical distance with
her almost to the degree of bodily contact. He sits, without hesitation,
without asking pardon, so dclearly beside her, while she shows a strong
dislike to his such dbehavior, frawning at his behavior.
All of these mean that the two, any ;onger, share no wakugumi /
framework which is general, or specifically common to them; each
respectively stands on each's own wakugumi / framework assumedly
aquired and estblished through their previous experiences, and sees,
feels, thinks, and practoes with reference to it.
They must, it seem, be reqiured to make an attempt in accomplish-
ing a new wakugumi / framework commonly sharable for them, if they
both, somehow, want to compose and maintain Ma as Fusoku Furi.
Here, let me sketch another episode by which to make sure the
present point.
≴ a Happy New Year ≵
" For celebration of New Year morning, it is absolutely
o'zohni of white miso soup ( soybeen potage ) with
maru mochi ( round rice-cake ) to served."
" what ? What are you talkimg about ?
It is of a consommé type with square rice-cake
with chicken, shurimp, vegitables, etc. "
As the end of a year came up, there arose between the young couple
a dispute which would be anticipated an omen of stream, and be brew-
ing into a severe battle.
They would not concede to each other. She insisted on the Kyoh
cuisine, and he, the Edo cuisine. The living circumstances where they
each independently had been brought up differed in the west and the
east: she, the west, and he, the east. And so were different in terms
of the general wakugumi / framework to which they have been famili-
ar and accostomed.
Their quarrel showed a picture of escalation. Even everday small,
trivial conversation between them appeared to grow into a big quarrel.
Ma, especially, thatof mentai distance got narrowing, tension arose all
the more.
In order to celebrate a peaceful, happy new year morning, some
ideas could be suggested: The ' either - or ' choice --- to choose
Kyoh cuisine, or Edo cuisine. Or another choice is: to make a com-
promise. A newly created menu, cooking in the Edo way with a Kyoh
finish. How would it taste no one knows, though.
Whichever choice may be taken we could assume that a new ritual ---
that is, a new wakugumi / framework to be discussed and accomplished.
If the new ritual --- i.e., a new wakugumi / framework is successfully
make up, the young couple may celebrate peacefully,
' a happy new year.'
III Processes / ways of maintaining Ma
In the previous section, we have made an attempt at consideration on
the two prime components of Ma --- i.e., Hodo Hodo / modedrate and
Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close nor (too) remote >, and their su-
components : jise-i / self-control, sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, private
zone, and wakugumi / framework.
Now, hereafter, I would like to proceed to specify the processes or ways
of how Ma is maintained between two people in interpersonal relation-
ships.
⁑ nage-ire kinsi / prohibition of throwing ⁑
One of the processes / ways to maintain Ma lies in nage-ie kinsi
prohibition or inhibition of throwing. Throwing where ? Into the re-
gion of kyo / emptiness which, as one of the sub-components of Ma,
is assumed in the previous section, to be ' nothing inside ', ' colorless',
' crystal-clear ' and 'neutral ' to be kept as much as possible. In order
to preserve the particular situation of nage-ire kinsi / prohibition of throw-
ing into kyo / emptiness, what should or must not be thrown, then?
They are : opinion, intention, bias, prejudice, viewpoint, desire, expecta-
tion, anxiety, irritation, impatience, etc. , plus physical behavior, bodily
contact, violence etc.... all of these things --- takes here as ' per-
sonal belongings ' --- should / must be inhibited to throw into kyo /
emptiness. This kind of throwing is nothing but an intrusion into, or
invasion of, Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither
<div> (too) close nor (too) remote >.
One must stop throwing one’s personal belongings into Ma as such,
in any sense, and any place there; one must refrain from doing so.
If two people innterpersonal related could keep control over throwing
of their respective personal belomgimgs, they would be able to realize
Ma as expected by them, and maintain it accordingly.
That is to say, they are not, in any sense, permitted to throw ---
whether intentionally or carelesslsy --- into kyo / emptiness.
How is this situation of nage-ire kinsi / prohibition of throwing a-
chieved, then?
Some suggestions are here:
One should, firstly, show small signs another who has already made,
or is about to, telling the dother plese not to fthrow his/herd ' personal
belongings ' which are not favorable for one. And, next, are caution and
warning.
At this moment, the other becomes aware of his/her ' illegal ' behavior
and refrain dfrom it so that tje particular situation of Ma as kyo / emptines
would be preserved. And, all the more so, if the two are mutually
recognize significance, by caution and warning, of nage-ire kinsi / pro-
hibition of throwing.
Self-control and caution or warning are made repeatedly, or every
moment when necessary, that is, ' fine tuning ' process is taken place,
Ma is sufficiently maintadined.
Here is den episode prepared for clarifying the situation.
≴ a talk at cross purposes ≵
" I so sorry for her....
Ms. E looked very sympathetic to Ms. F whome she
happened to have made an acqueintance with, listen-
ing the personal story she told her. But, it was a little too
hard for Ms. E. So when she met Ms. F next time, she tried
to refuse the sequel of her story for a change :
" It's so fine today, isn't ? The sky is so blue ... "
Ms. F, knwoing that her personal story was rather a heavy
burden for Ms. E, changed the subfject to that of hobby.
Then, Ms. E, in turn, became so enthusiastic in talking
about her hobby, which, conversely, Ms F began to look
a bit weary.
" Oh, sorry, I alone have been talking. " She stopped,
and withdrew herself.
Then, they fell silent.
A somewhat awkward stillness spread between them.
They silently drank jasmine tea, together.
The two showed signs to each other, asking and appealing nage-ire
kinsi / prohiition of throwing persosnal things to kyo / emptiness
of Ma which consequently arrive at maintenance of Ma as Hodo Hodo /
moderate and Fusoku Furi / < not (too) near nor (too) remote > dis-
tance.
Stillness having appeared between them is a proof, or characterizes
the paticular situation. And this ' stillness ' deedfpened consideration
they would take for each other, and their heartily contact alike all the
more; rather than awkwardness which has then dbeen experienced
by them.
⁑ nariyuki makate / let it go its course ⁑
≴ old friends alwasy get into argument ... ≵
An old film once I have seen:
Abruptly two adult got so much excited and
began to argue aloud nose to nose. Did
kind of thing happen just because they are
old friends too close and intimate ?
Anyway, Ma between them is very much narrowed: tension as well
intimacy mounted to maximum. Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and
Fusoku Furi < neither close nor close > is blown away.
In this case, is there some way or other to restore / maintain Ma
again ?
The answer is: nariyuki makase / let it go its course.
Such an excited scene as this would not last long. The two friends
would get fatigued to exhaustion; their energy dried up. In a state of
let-down, they would shaow no reaction, no concern, turning away in
different directions.
Between them, there seems to emerge a big gap. This very gap itself
composes, we could assume, Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku
Furi / < neither (too) close nor (too) remote > and then, appearane
of ' a calm, peaceful pond.'
Excessive excitement --- in other words, posiive or ' plus ' actions
brings about, as a matters of course, deep depression ( letdown ),
i.e., negative ' minus ' reaction. As a result, 'plus '＋' minus ' = zero.
It means that nothing remains. Maybe, only heavy fatigue / exhaustion,
accompanied by bashfulness and awkwardness.
They had better, it means then, to keep from the beginning contact
with Ma as Hodo Hodo and Fusoku Furi, enjoying small talks. If one
thinks a calm peaceful pond situation would be nothing but a monot-
onous, dull and tedious one, and so, prefers the hell --- since it looks
more stimulative and amazing / amusing --- to the former, let one
think that way as ones pleases.
The two adult men afterward would meet each other again as if nothing
has happened before, and ddrink beer together, but they, all over again,
would ... Let them take their course.
⁑ osare tara, osi ka-esu /
when pushed or pressed, push or push back ⁑
Firstly, I would like to consider the phrase of osu / push or press.
In interpersonal relationships, osu implies the Japanese proverb:
' hara hachibu ' --- so we might well assume.
To retrieve the proverb from the KOJI-EN:
hara hachi bu
〔 not to eat so much as you get full, and refrain
from eating at about 80% hara hachi bunme
( be off one's meal at 80% 〕
Under the Japanese-English Dictionary,
It reads:
hara hachi bunm ni suru
( hodo hodo ni taberu )
〔 ( eat modestly ) 〕
Such a brief xplanation, indeed.
To put it another way, it is that implication of eating moderately,
at asbout 80% ( hachi bu /hachi bunme ) is good for health and life
as well. In terms of interpersonal relationships, osu / push, push,
push ... or press, press, press ... nor does it mean to keep pushing /
pressing to extreme nor like in an ' engine-in-full-force ' way, or 110%
power.
Osu / puss or press leaves for the other to couterback, or osi ka-esu /
push back or press back before growing into collision, for example,
quarrel, battle, etc.
This kind of mutual ' pushing ' --- i.e., ' push and push back, or press
and press back ' would produce change / opportunity to compose Ma as
Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither close nor remote >.
To describe it a little more in detail:
Two people in interpersonal relationships are, ordinarily, assumed to stand
on equality --- in other words, the basic idea / rule of, at least, the pres-
ent context of ' mutual pushing or pressing '.
Equality implies ' half and half ' , or ' fifty-to-fifty'. Then, possibilities
of osu / push or press by each lies in having of the total osu / push or
press, that is, it counts 50% of the totality. As a result, osu /push or
press of 80% force reduces dwon to 80% of 50% of the total push or
press, which actually is meant to be 40% osu / push or press.
It is only about this osu / push or press of 40% of force that each in
interpersonal relationships would be able to make use of. That is to
say, the two people interspersonally related cannot push or press as much
as possible, or fully.
Nani goto mo hodo hodo ni /
' Moderation in all things '
--- as the proverb goes.
Nevertheless, the case appears as follows:
She is self-assertive. and talkative.
Sometimes, so absorbed in talking, she almost forgets she is
talking with a friednd of hers, and responses to, nodding to,
herself and self-satisfactorily without waiting for the responses
from her friend.
As she goes on talking --- that is, ' pushing or pressing' all
the time, paying no attention to maintain Ma, the distance of
it gets narrowed; she not only ignores Ma as Hodo Hodo /
moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close nor (too)
<div> remote >, but, without hesitation and imprudently, steps into
her friend's sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, private zone.
How should her friend behave under this kind of circumstance ?
It is: osi ka-esu / push back or press back.
Through gestures or performances, showing a little dislike on th face,
for example. Or verbally:
" Wait a moment, please. I could' t catch what you've said.
Would you explain once more ? "
Softly, and tenderly...
But, if she neglects and rejects her friend 's small cautions / warnings
or, rather acts back to her with high pressure attitude, and cross-
questions: " Do you have any complaint with my talk ?"
--- Yes, there is much to say. Bragging aand boasting about
yourself really makes me fed up, and annoyed ...
At this moment, don't be impatient, and be tough!
To persistently appeal to her, pushy and talkative one, that the ' cross-
the-border' behavior she has been taking was just impermissible, until
she finally would step back, and withdraw into her sijinteki, sihiteki /
personal, private zone.
It is, then, the beginning of the 'osi ka-esu / push back or press back '
reaction.
When osi ka-esu / push back or press back, it is most important to in-
dicate her the fact that the basic rule of interpersonal conversation espci-
ally that between friends is to hold it on equality, or on the ' fifty-fifty '
base, and that if she, despite of the very reality, keeps self-assertive osi /
push or press, she dshould tell her that it is a pretty unfair matter.
And even if, at a first trial, nothing changes in her attitude, do not be
intimidated, try once more: since it is also a process of ' trial and error '.
Patience is most needed, and worthy for osi ka-esu / push back or press
back.
Another thing in addition to patience is jiki /timimg.
To watch the given situation, and choose right and proper chance / op-
portunity ford pushing back or pressing back.
Which kind of jiki / timing is best for osi ka-esu / push back or press
back, then ?
Is it to instantly osika-esu / push back or press back ?
It is too much to be in a hurry : neither hasete nor rushing is just smart.
If one hurriedly makes osi ka-esu / push back or press back. Ma gets
narrowed down, the situation would be aggravated; but, contrary to it,
if waiting too long. Ma gets too loosened, or too remote, one losesd any
chance / opportunity for dosi ka-esu.
The way to avoid these unfavorable situations is to harmonize with the
other's pace to some degree, and try to find out froom for osi ka-esu /
push backr press back --- for example, at the moment, she, the talkative
one, holds a small breach, or somewhat declined ( out of energy ).
Or else, if she becomes aware of her imprudent behavior, keeping herself
always pushy, and takes a step backward, and modifies or changes her pre-
vious attitude / behavior, it is, we could assume, successfully, and naturally
Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi/ < neither ( too ) close nor
<div> ( too ) remote > would be preserved.
But, if the situation does not seem to go as it is expected, let us choose
another alternative press / way.
⁑ ta-ijoh / walking out ⁑
Antonym of osu / push or press may be hiku / pull.
As far as Ma of interpersopnal relationshps is concerned, hiku / pull
could be assumed to mean, rather than ' withdraw ' or ' standing-back '
behavior, similar to ' mi wo hiku.'
To look up the phrase in the KOJI-EN, and partially extract :
mi wo hiku
〔 ➀ to stand backward
➁ withdraw / retire from public place
to keep distance from the matter so far
concerned 〕
Based on the explanation above quoted, we could come to an under-
standing that ' withddraw ' most approximates the meaning of ' hiku '
for Ma to be maintained. Still, such requirements as ' temporary', and
' terntative ' must be added, because if it ( withdrawal ) remains as
it is, Ma would soonerdrlater become loosened, or Ma daru-i, and be
lost in the distance, and so would be interpersonal relationship itself.
In this connection, let me sketch an episode of two sisters.
≴ kitchen garden ≵
They have lived in an appartment room separated.
But, hit by prolonged ecomonic recession, they had
to manage on small income and so, were forced to shar-
ing a room together.
As quite used to leading a single, carefree life in their
own way, so at the beginning of their co-living, they
they were just unfamiliar with, and stumbled at, their
new way of life.
They insisted against each other what they each thought
right, but got tiny ' kitchen garden ' at the window of thier
appartment room.
Here, the situation took a turn for worse.
The elder sister said:
" Let's plant vegitable. We can grow parsley, lettuce,
and even tometo of heart-shaped kind."
" Oh, no! Absolutely no. Herbs I recommend," pro-
tested the younger one: " Rosemary, basil, sage, etc.
We can make various types of herb tea, and enjoy
tea, could'nt we ? "
A collision of interests gradually raised up tension high-
her between the sisters --- from ' moderate ' to ' allegro, '
almost brewing to the dedegree of a bitter dispute.
They, then, hurriedly walked out, or withdraw into their
own private room; it is that thet tried to dissolve Ma
zumari, or stuffed ma, keepung physical as well as
psychological distance between them.
While sensing the atomosphere that the collision was
lingering on, they avoided contact with each other, stood
apart, and did not exchange even a word. They seemed
to ignore each other's existence.
However, ignorance could be at times an effective
means. By means of ignorance, even after showing
themselves out of their own rooms, Ma would be
maintained without trouble for the reason that the
contact of the two sisters remained suspended.
To walk out, or withdrawal to sijinteki, sihiteki /
personal, private zone in our sense, for a while,
i.e., temporarily or tentatively --- into one's own
clean up Ma which may have otherwise been tinted
and complicated by their collision of interests.
Or else, to put it anotherway, ta-ijoh / walk-out
releases Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku
Furi / < neither cool nor remorte > attaining kyo /
emptiness which is a resultant of ta-ijoh / walk-out.
While the two sisters staying inside each 's room, or
sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, private zone, they would
they would clam themselves down, and settle their
nerves.
During this period of calming-down, itis just un-
necessary for each to try to make access or contact to
the other, whether may it be mental or physical.
Ta-ijoh / walk-out is surely ' the best remedy ' to
wait untill the situation is settled down. While waiting,
Ma would be recovered.
⁑ danmari-ya / a clam ⁑
≴ a husband with no reply ≵
She was complaining about her husband.
" At mealtime, I've hardly had talk with him.
It's as if I had a supper all alone, looking at a stone
statue. I feel so sad and lonely. "
A friend of hers got deeply sympathetic with her, and so
asked her (the poor wife's) husband , " don't you talk with
her while taking meal ? "
" Mhu .. uh~ mm~~~ " was his answer.
One day, her friend happened to lightly look in the meal-
time scene of the couple in question, and got astonished :
' Oh! Dear me ....
The mealtime was her friend (wife) 's ' recital ' stage.
She was a soloist : she alone kept talking and talking even
with acid tongue.
If her husband would return her one word, hundred times
more words be showered on him, so it seemed.
' Well, he can't help but being like a clam. '
There seemed no other way but keeping ' Mh hum~~~'
for him. He, eating meal entirely in silence, looked so
pitiful to her ( the wife's friend ). but such a feeling as that,
if expressed, would stimulate her ( the wife ) enough,
and, she would storm at her ( friend ).
Her friend kept silent, which seems a smart way to deal
with her, the too much talkative wife.
It is that : Chinmoku ha kin / Silence is gold,
Iwanu ga hana / Better leave it unsaid
Speaking back aloud, or rejoining sharply, to her would provoke a
' pandemoniun ' in the mealtime situation of the couple, since Ma is
obviously occupied by her ( the talkative wife ) ; only through behav-
ing like a clam, or keeping 'UH-mm ~~' , he ( the poor husband ) would
possibly preserve his sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, private zone.
Meanwhile, she would finish her meal, and have her favorite desert,
ice cream, her tension once raised up, now lowered down, and a
calm, peaceful atomosphere would make appearance on the table
--- Maybe, for a while, though.
In order for Ma to maintain, it is certainly a most effective way to be
like a clam keeping silent, yet it is not sufficient only to do so.
One must be patient / endurable.
⁑ Yanagi ni kaze / No reply is best. ⁑
≴ an unhappy marriage ≵
Ms. F’s person narrative of her married life:
My husband was a serious type, before we got married, worked
hard, but, not until half a year so, he started to drink alcohol,
and a year later, he quited his job, became drankered, and
even used physical violence. Is's domestic violence, isn't it ?
It was just unbearable for me so I decided to divorce him,
and with my two sons, said good-bye to him.
She is competitive, self-assertive, has pride of herself with
a sharp tongue ...
If a quarrel breaks out between this couple, she would surely
overhelm him ; and her income overcdome his, all of which
can be easily imagined without question.
' Work harder, otherwise ... '
She intended to encourage him and brace up him --- per-
haps in a pretty harsh way. As she herself, piled up frustra-
tions and stresses coming from child-rearing at home and
working at office so she, though unintentionally, vented her
burden on him to get rid of it.
Her behavior, her words of encouragement for him, to her
understanding, was all for his sake, worked in reverse on him;
he was a bit vulnerable type.
In this case, Ma grew narrowed down and stuffed, lost and became too
close. He could have passed off her complaints, taking them as if
hearing BGM of a more or less noisy type with bothersome sound effects.
If she continually recieved no favorable reply from him the way of
yanagi ni kaze / ' No reply is best, ' --- as the goes, her high pitched
voice would tone down, and, soon into the mode of resignation and
indifference ; she would she would withdraw herself from her excessive
dependence on him, and find some way or other to reduce her frustra-
tions and stresses.
Then, his sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, private zone which has long been
intruded by his wife must have preserved, while she would walk into her
own, and, consequently, maintenace of Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and
Fusoku Furi / < neither closed nor remote > would be assumed as pos-
sible.
If keeping Ma as such, she tried to talk to him modestly, he could have
recovered himself of old days, a sober, eager working man, and the couple
could have led a dhappy married life all over again.
It is very regretable that they could not.
Another case ( episode ) :
≴ a lonely wife ≵
She is in the middle of child-rearing. Engaged in a full-
time job, on the other hand.
Her husband, business bachelor, leaves home for his post.
Once a week he returns home, but when at home, he pays
no attention to his family, preoccupied with video games.
She now feels much frustrated, and irritated, murmuring
' Why do I alone have to manage everything in house-
hold ? '
It was at that moment, a new comer appeared to the de-
partment she belongs to, and showed her a warm contact.
' He seems to listen with sympaty to my complaints,'
so expected she.
Yes, he certainly did.
" Well, it's really a heavy task... " He, making friendly
and kind remarks, and aneaked away, or walked out,
before she noticed it. She felt as if dodged or avoided.
' I am in a very unstable state of mid. I want mental
support, snf dincrely need someone to depend on ... '
It must be a very tough, hard situation for her, fight-
ing, besides her office work, for her family all alone, but,
for the newcomer, young, single man, it is none of his
concern.
To pass off her inclination to depend on him, and to make
only a brief reply, both indicate the social etiquette or' hard-
and-fast rule ' for him, the new comer, to go well along
with his female senior. She, it seems, mistook the situa-
tion.
She should, after all, face her husband, and express her
feelings and thoughts to him, that is, to try to have hanasi-
a-i / heart-to-heart talk with him, in order to solve her per-
sonal family problem.
Now I would like to go back to the menings of the proverb, yanagi ni
kaze as explained in the dictionaries.
Firstly, according to the KOHJI-EN,
It reads:
yanagi ni kaze to uke nagasu
〔 to treat other, without raising objection even a little,
and skillfully
other expressions : 「 yanagi ni kaze 」 「 yanagi ni
ukeru 」 〕
To go on to the Japanese-English Dictionary, and to retrieve the
proverb:
Yanagi ni kaze to uke nagasu
〔 No reply is best. 〕
The above quoted explanations are too plain and simple, and seems
desirable to seek the literal interpretation of the original meaning, so
let me look it up in the Koji Kotowaza Yoji Jukugo Jiten.*
____________________
* This is the Japanese tile of the Dictionary
of the Historical Facts, Proverbs and Four-
Chinese-Idioms installed in my electric dic-
tionary ( ditto )
___________________
Yanagi ni kaze
〔「 meaning 」 It is a silitude that, like a lithe willow
tree letting the wind blow through it, one treats
other person smootjly witjout opposing against
him. 〕
The proverb, yanadgi ni kaze, as a tentative conclusion of its meaning-
interpretation of the original, could be: ' to fend off smoothly as a
lithe willow tree lets the wind blow through it, ' or shortly, ' the willow
tree lets the wind go through. '
To put the above quatations in our interpersonal relationships, it pos-
sibly means that one fends / dodges, or osika-esu / push back or press
back, the other's behavior skillfully / smoothly, without objection resist-
ence against the other.
To put still another way, it means that, resgardless that one might get
a serious blow and be hurt / injured, one should not make aggressive
responses,but just react, or osi ka-esu / push back or press back, modest-
ly so that one ultimately attain what one expects or aims at.
In this connection, let us ktake up the proverb related to yanagi ni kaze,
' noren ni ude-oshi.' And to look up the proverb in the Japasese-English
Dictionary:
noren ni ude-oshi
It is like beating the air. ; He chatches the wind
with a net. ; All is lost that is given to a fool.
To literally, or word-word translate the proverb ; noren means ' shop
curtain ' ( curtain hanging down at the entrance of a shop instead of
the door, or in front of it ). Ude means arm. Osi ( or osu ) , to push.
So, to put together synthetically, it means ' to push a shop curtain with
an arm.' That is to say, it is synontmously underdstandable as ' No re-
ply is best.'
≴ uhm - eh - mmm ~~~ ≵
" I can't absolutely understand what my what my son is
thinking about. Any of the questions I ask him, he an-
swers / replies half-heartedly; It is like this:
' how was school, today? '
' Uh -- uhh ~ mm ~~ '
' Did you study hard? '
' Uhh ~ nun hooo Hum haheee ~~
' Did you buy the study aid wih money I gave to you,
yesterday ? '
' Fuh - he ~~ Hoo- Mhaa ~~ '
' Did you decide which college you are going to take
its entrance exam ? '
' muh ~~ muhaha ah aaa ~~~ '
'Are you reluctant to apply for the college Mama
recommends ? '
' ~~~ Yahha- Nohh ~ Muhuuuuumn~~ '
' If you are alawys this way, when you catches her heart
at last, your girlfriend would soon dishes you,
wouldn't she ?
' Huhoo ~ ~ ahh wohoo - gyahh ~~~ ha '
" By the way, how tall is your son ? "
" How much does he weigh ? "
" ' uhm numhu ~~~ Gwah ~~ ' is his answer. "
" At any rate, thinking about this future, I get so
anxious, I can' t sleep well at night. "
It's Mother's excessive osi / push. --- i.e., ovrprotection, over-
interference.
In this case, in order to defend his mother's osi / push, he must
change noren which is usually made from cotton to that of steel one.
Instead of hanging the steel-made noren, he took the attitude of
' No reply is best.' If his mother pushes the noren made of steel with
her arm, she would probably break her arm. Her son, worrying about
it, repeatedly made half-hearted replies of ' Uha Ho ~ mmuh ~~. '
It's very consdiderate of him to do so.
If she refrained from excessive osi / push, and so kept kyo / emptiness,
Ma would be preserved, and her son would start to talk with her.
A sequel of thepresent episode:
Her son, knowing himself well, made an application to the
college fitting for his abilities, and lived in a boarding house
far distant from his parents, and met a charming girlfriend
and enjoyed his dstudent life fairly well.
Mother's worry, which dwas somewhat overprotectsive,
was utterly groundless.
Lastly,
Similar to the proverb of yanagi ni kaze is there: baiji tohfuh.
To retrieve it from the KOJI-EN,
basji tohfuh
〔 ( taken from Li Bo's poem )
Meaning that the east wind blows into the horse's ear.
People feel happy, when spring wind blows, but a horse
shows no reaction. to have no concern to other people's
opinions, criticisms, etc., and go out of mind 〕
To further examine the proverb, under the Japanese-English Dictionary,
baji tohfuh, it is interpreted as :
〔 cited as a sample sentence only 〕
be a deaf ( turn a deaf ear ) to hsi advice 〕
The proverb, baji tohfuh, seems to carry with it a nuance of irrespon-
sibility, but as far as Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and FusokuFuri /
< neither (too) close nor (too) remote is concerned, what it dimplicit-
<div> ly shows us indicates one of the dessential and effeective ways of main-
ing Ma as such.
To have a ' head-on ' confrontatoion, or front attack --- to use such
orthodox methods would certainly gain public support, but I might as
well suggest that stepping aside, or dodging skillfully be a right and
proper way of preserving Ma.
⁑ nigeru ga kachi / Discreteion is the better part
of valor ⁑
≴ a frilled lizard ≵
I once saw him on the CM screen of TV.
Upon confronting wit a tough opponent --- perhaps, his
natural enemy, he unfolded his frilled, scarf-like skin
arround his neck as broad as possible to threaten his
opponent.
As soon as his enemy got shrunken, he in such a hurry
stood on the two hind-legs, and rushed into the distance.
Dabbling ...
Watching him from behind, I could'nt help but laugh.
His way of getting away was so humorous and so lov-
able that every time I saw him on CM, I laughed, feel-
sorry for him, regardless.
For maintenance of Ma, ' getaway ' is, it seems, one of the effective
ways / strategies. While he was getting away at at full speed, Ma gets
extended, and this extended distance is for the lovable lizard is proper
Ma in the sense that he could escape from falling a prey.
To consult the KOJI-EN for the proverb:
nigeru ga kachi
〔 to get away, not venturing to battle, is the way to
reach victory 〕
Under the Japanese-English Dictionary, the English proverb is intro-
duce:
nigeru ga kachi
Discretion is the part of valor.
According to the Oxford English-English Dictionary, it is explained as:
[ saying ] you should avoid dange and not take
unnecessary risks.
We have the Japanese proverb related, and similar, to the present one:
Sanjuh rokke-i nigeri ni sikazu. To consult the KOHJI-EN for it:
sanjuh rokke nigeru ni sikazu
〔 [ Chinese literature --- details omitted ---
' Among Tuan Kon's thirty-six strategiesgetaway is just
the best. ' ] One should get away, when necessary, in
attempt to save one's life is the best of all military
strategies. Transformed, it is linterpreted as to get
away is the most advisable way, when one gets involved
in trouble. 〕
One more interpretation, referring to the Koji Kotowaza Yoji Jukugo
Jiten:
sanjurokkei nigeru ni sikazu
( [ meaning ] There is a variety of military strategies,
but when confronting with disadvantageous situations, it
is the best way to get away as soon as possible. That is
to say, getaway is one of the most important operations.
[ annotatoin ] It comes from the meaning that among
thirty-six strategies, there is nothing more than getting
away. ( the following omitted ) 〕
≴ She joined a club of hobby ≵
Ms. G, one day, made up her mind to enjoy herself after
word, and joined a clay-model club.
As Ms. H, a veteran member of the club, kindly taught
her the ABC of how to make clay model, so Ms. could
a happy time, much satisfied.
But a year or so later, the situation got changed: Ms. H's
attitude got changed. Bullying at Ms. G about trivial things,
for example, her harido, make-up, or even the length of
skart ...
' It's a foolish matter. '
Ms. G decided to show no regards to her.
But, bullying continued persistently, which at last drove her
to anger. Then, she, without hegitation, quitted the club.
Ms. H, the vetran memberr, senselessly or maliciously ne-
glected to keep distance from Ms. G, and intruded sijinteki,
sihiteki / personal, private zone with impolite expressions to
her.
It is a cool, smart choice to break off Ma, and to break out their inter-
personal relationship rather than trying to dmaintain it. Breakout or
resignation implies ' nugeru ga kachi .' And this behavior would be
a trigger for further development of Ma.
In this connection,
we could say that it is all right for one to expect oneself to make a
come back once again. The idiom of four Chinese characters : Kendo
chohra-i wo kisu.'
To consult the Koji Kotowaza Yoji Jukugo Jien:
kendo chohri-i wo kisu
〔[ meaning ] It is, once made a withdrawal by being
defeated, but, restoring forces, recovering spirits, to
venture counterattack.
[ annotation ] Kendo means to raise up much dust
and soil. And chohra-i is such a tremendous rush
to come back once more. 〕
⁑ o-itsume na-i / not to drive to the corner ⁑
This way / process of maintaining Ma is a kind of antinony of osita-esu /
push back or press back, which we have previously considered. It means
not to force one to ddead end; nor to have the other's back against the
wall. Nor to defeat the other thouroughly.
It is to step or tw before final action, and suspend for a while, keeping
control over oneself.
Allow me here to suggest the phrase which has just popped in mind:
busi no nasake / samurai's compassion
I recall having heard it sometime, somewhere in old days, but I felt
it was none of my concern, irrelevant to me. I still c annot figure out
whether it means samura-i's etiquette, or one of their strategies.
So I consulted the KOJI-EN for the phrase, and, to my surprise, I
could find it nowhere. No entry of it is made.
Then, to turn to the Koji Kotowaza Yoji Jukugo Jien, itis explained as:
busi no nasake
〔 [meaning ] onke-i / compassion which samurai
furnishes to thos who are weaker than them. It is
a saying about compassion which the strong favors
over the weak. 〕
Ona-i / compassion in the present context --- this is utterly my per-
sonal understanding, though --- does not mean to have charity or
to make offering to the poor / weak ; it is assumed to indicate to given
' pardon ' by which not to drive the weak to a corner, but give them
room or chance for gurding / saving themselves.
If not, it would turn out to be : Kyuhso neko wo kamu.
Referring to the KOHJI-EN:
kyuhso neko wo kamu
〔 In case a rat driven by a cat into a corner, it gets so
desperate as to turn around in an attempt of counter-
attack against dthe cat fiercely, and bites at the cat.
Likewise, the weaker one, when forced into a serious
crisis ( by the stranger one ) will fight tooth and nail,
defeat the stronger one. 〕
To further go to the Kojo Kotowaza Yoji Jukugo Jiten*
kyuhso neko wo kamu
〔 [ mening ] when forced ino a corner, no matter how
weak one may be, one will fight against one's opponent,
in order to save one's life, so as to defeat him to whom
one has possibly no chance to do so regardless.
[ annotation ] a rat desperately bites a cat, when the
rat is driven by the cat into a corner.
[ English ] A baited cat may grow as firce as a lion.
≴ a Mexicn mouse ≵
It was an accident at the corner of a city in Mexico.
I happened to see it on TV.
Chased afterd by a big cat, a mouse had back to the wall
of a building --- it was exactly that he was driven into
a corner.
Panic-stricken, he dabruptly turned around and almost
desperately counterattack against the big cat, threatening
to bite him with the teeth baring. The cornered mouse so
fiercely tried to attack him, th big cat, much astonished,
stood still stiffened, an hesitated a moment or so to paw
back at the mouse.
It was when the mouse caught the chance to get away, to
escape his sudden crisis and save his own life.
I learned that the proverb is not something at face value or abstract,
but something that does happen in reality. I wonder if Mexican people
the proverb similar to ours. I feel I would like to know ...
In interpersonal relationships,
if one is forced into a corner by the other, Ma between the two would be
lost there. When driven into a corner where tolerance exceeds limits, one,
as that Mexican mouse did, would counterattack the other who drives one
into a corner.
The rule of ‹ action ーー reaction › or ‹ attack ーー counterattack ›
must be take into consideration seriously. Otherwise, what the other has
done might brimng about mos unexpected, disastrous results.
Nigeru ga kachi / root for getaway must be preparedf for one's opponent
or enemy --- in the present context, the other, the partner / counter-
part of one's interpersonal relationship.
If one, in fear of counterattack, cuts off the othe's roots for getaway,
and break / destroy completely, the interdnational relationship would no
longer be preserved, nor would Ma itself.
And, above all, one would lose one's opponent, or partner / counterpart,
i.e., the other forever. Consequently, one cannot in a sense to keep con-
tact with the other. Worthy to notice is that one loses everything in an
attempt to win by thoroughly defeating the other ( opponent ). Prepar-
ation of root to get away for the other is, then, indispensable for Ma
and interspersonall relationships as well.
At the end of the root to get away, there would be a shelter, or sijinkeki,
sihiteki / persoal, private zone. It is a region of rest and relaxation, a
kind of a ' spiritual home,' a place of healing when hurt, and so forth.
It is also the space whose one (whose has taken root for getaway )
refreses oneself, undertakes a review of the past, reconsiders how to
gain control again, and so prepare for the future development.
For one, it is time to call a truce for a while, or suspend contact with
the other, and to wait with patience until the other makes recovery
and comeback, which implies to keep Ma of Hodo Hodo /moderate and
Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) closes nor (too) remote > narrowing it.
If the situation in which each of the two is not driven, nor drives, into
a corner, were confired, it would lead to a ‹ détant › and a new develop-
ment of ‹ trial and error › , searching for peace.
≴ a couple who do not get divorced ≵
" He would'nt listen to me ... He looks really reluctant
to talk with me."
She is education-conscious mother, works part-time
for school expense of her children.
" Then, I couldn't stop getting so excited, and spoke aloud
with high pitch, I don't mean that though.
He, my husband, did not give in, but, on the contrary,
turned against against me with the samepitch as mine!
So naturally a big quarrel.
I, of course, tried to talk in low-tone as much as possible
' cause it would be a nuisance to neighboorhood, and
my children might happen to hear us. "
The quarrel seems to get escalated.
" Let's divorce ! I will go back to my paresnts' house."
--- this is the ultimatum she usually issues at the
end of their quarrel.
She, certainly, goes back home to her parents's with
her children, but shows no sign of divorce whatsoever.
People around her believe that she leads a happy
married life.
She, after a quarrel, always feel regret for what she has said during
quarrel, but as soon as quarrel starts, she forgets about it ; yet,
somewhere in the mind it remains lingering.
Regret seems to function aas control over quarrel.
By taking a pause in their conversation, she would not drive him to a
corner --- she spoke rather ligically with a sharp tongue regardless.
She always tired to keep Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku
Furi / to some ddegree. For example, going beside the window to shut it,
or leaniing on a cushion at sofa, wondering where to take a pause even
in the middle of quarrel.
Her husband, on the other hand, who, whenever she picked a quarrel,
fought back hot against her, regardless of the bitter experiences he has
had before, was neverthelesss smart enough to respond to cues and signs
for a break she showed to him, and took a pause correspondingly as she
did.
Moreover, he took the quarrel with his wife as an opportunity to make
use of it for the source of his energy and work, and his whole life alike.
The couple above sketched do not drive, and are driven by, each other
into a corner, and so, somehow, somewhat, seem to maintain Ma as
Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close nor (too)
<div> remote > .
It would be quite all right, if Ma is / somewhat maintained insofar as
as interpersonal relationships are concerned, wouldn't it ?
IV Composition of Ma
⁑ hanasi a-i / ( heart-to-heart ) talk ⁑
A converstion of a couple:
husband: " Do I have to tell you that once more ?
You know what I mean, don't you ? "
wife: " No, I don't, at all. You don't know I
don't see anything you say ... "
An ' off-the-point ' conversation between the couple married for a pretty
long time.
A gap or discrepancy in sympathy and considerateness with each other
seemed to grow day by day, before they noticed it. If everything went
this way between them, the situation would aggravated from difficult
to dangerous. A crack would appeard in their companionship which
has been long-term held, and Ma would disappear --- then, a catas-
trophe.
For the scene like this, the advice / suggestion most often made is :
" Anyway, you should try to have hahasia-i /(heart-to-heart) talk
with your husband about the matter in question."
This is a ' cliché ' of the ordinary scenes of everyday life.
In order to solve trouble and difificulties which bring hindrance or
obstracle to interdpersonal relationships, what we must do is to com-
Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close
<div> nor (too) remote >. For composition of this type of Ma, hanasi-a-i /
(heart-to-heart) talk, is assumed to be one of the most effective
processes / ways.
In clarifying the meaning of hanasi a-i, I retrieve it from the KOJI-EN,
and examine --- like an association game we have previously done
--- its related phrases and words ( the underlined below ).
Firstly, hanasi-a-i.
hanasi a-i
〔 【 heart-to-heart talk ; conversation 】
heart-to-heart talk so as to deepen understand or
solve problems hanasi a-u/ to talk heat-to-heart
talk ) sohdan / consultation kohshoh / negotiation
「 --- wo motsu 」 / 「 to have --- 」 〕
sohdan
〔 【 consultation 】
to have a face-to-face conversation, expressing
opinions to each other ( one another ) dangoh /
collusion or, to ask for others' opinions
「 to --- a plan /measure 」 「 to approach on 」
「 --- of living problems 」 「 a matter of --- 」
dangoh
〔 【 collusion 】
➀ to talk about to discuss sohdan
➁ meaning the action of dangoh 〕
kohshoh
〔【 negotiation 】
to hold a heart-to-heart talk with an opponent /
partner so as to an agreement kake a-i / gegoti-
ation dampan / dispute 〕
Scanning the words above cited ( the underdslined ), and list them in a
chain of sohdan --- dangoh --- kohshoh --- kake a-i, it is evident that they
indicate the one point, that is, significance of ' heart-to-heart ' talk.
However, when it comes to the content of ' heart-to-heart ' talk, no
clear, detailed explanation is prepared.
So it seems the way it goes.
How, fluttering the wing of imagination once again, let us make an at-
tempt, although it might be a little pushy and assertive, to assume and
consider of the content --- in other words, the sub-components of hanasi
a-i / heart-to-heart talk.
Before proceeding to the present task, I feel I must say a word.
It ia that: hanasi a-i / heart-to-heart talk is ovbiously the process /way
to compose Ma, but, simultaneously, the latter ( Ma ) is a necessary condi-
tion or ' lubricant ' for the former to function.
It is, so to speak, a structure of ' reversible ' kind.
To put it another way, hanasi a-i / heart-to-heart in interpersonal rela-
tionships is needed when a variety of trouble and difficulties emerge
between two people, which eventually cause damage on composition of
Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi/ neither (too) close nor
(too) remote.
In reverse, for the purpose of keeping hanasi a-i /heart-to-heart talk
once needed, Ma is now needed to remedy / preserve it.
Hanasi a-i / herat-to-heart could hardly survive without Ma as Hodo
Hodo and Fusoku Furi.
It is a little or pretty complicated story, though.
Anyway, let us from now turn to consideration on hanasi a-i / heart-to-
heart talk, to specification of its content, i.e., some of its (sub-)compo-
nents.
⁑ iken hyohme-i / exdpression of opinion ⁑
We have assumed / examine the dsection the section III how to main-
tain Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too)
<div> close nor (too) remote in rather passive / negative processes / ways
such as nariyuki makase / let it go its course, danmari-ya / a c;am,
yanagi ni kaze / no reply is best, nigeru gakachi / to run away is the
strategy.
It would be, to our understanding, quite proper and appropriate to take
those processes / ways to maintain Ma, and, so long as they would not
seriously spoil or damage the dsituation of two people interpersonally rel-
ated.
Contrarily, in this section, the positive / active processes / ways to com-
pose Ma are to be treated --- more specifically, sub-components of
hahasi a-i / heart-to-heart talk.
Firstly, iken hyohme-i / expression of opinion.
⁑ iken hyohme-i / expression of opinion ⁑
Iken / opinion its content is diverse and comprehensive:
component ( criticism ), thought, idea, viewpoint, knowledge. inform-
atoin, etc. ...
Here, in fthe present context, all of them are integrated, and abbrevi-
ated briefly as iken / opinion.
Regarding to hyohme-i / expression, it is needsdless to say, iken /
opinion should be expressed clearly and manifest. In expressing opinion,
there exists one who takes no notice of the others standing just be-
fore one, for example, in a self-satisfying way, a monologue-type talk,
as if taking to oneself alone, this tyoe of expressing opinion would not
be assumed, nor permissible.
Iken hyohm-i / expression of opinion is the process way by which one
conveys one's opinion to the other clearly and manifestly so that the
other, the conveyed, can understand well. Moreover, it must be moder-
ate and/or modest rather than insistent.
Insistence or self assertion is prone to get radicalized, which would cause
collision and conflict, resulting a stormy situation between two people in
interpersonal relationships.
Iken hyohme-i / expression of opinion also indicates osu / push or press.
This behavior as considered in the section III, connetes hara hachibu /
to eat 80% of a meal --- i.e., not full, or 100%, all of which means 80%
of one's possible range of behavior ( = osu /push or press ).
As is assumed that ' balance of power ' between two people lies on
equality, or ' fifty-fifty ,' one's osu /push o rpress is halved into 50%
par each. Yet, this halved osu is allowed 80% of its totality, so it ac-
counts 40% at best.
Accordingly, expression of opinion in interpersonal relationships is as-
sumed to stand within the range of 40%. That is to say, to express
opinion moderately / modestly is desired or desirale.
As a conclusion, to express opinion effective within the 40% range of
total force would be the important moment for composition of Ma as
Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < not (too) close nor (too)
<div> remote >.
It is: moderate in all things.
⁑ kiki johzu / good listner ⁑
There are, it seems, two process / ways by which to auditorily recieve
the other's opinion: the one is ' hearing,' the other, ' listening.'
Hearing or kiku means to hear as it goes, not concentratedly, paying
no special attention, or without intention, so to speak.
To retrieve and partially extract kiku / hear from the KOHII-EN:
kiku
〔【 hear; listen 】
❶ that the auditory organ responds to language
voice / sound, etc., and act accordingly.
➀ to arouse the sense of sound in the auditory
organ 「 --- the ring of a bell 」
➁ to accept other people 's words and recognize sig-
nificance of those words 「 --- lecture 」
③ to be told and hear from other people
「 I --- that he got married 」
④ to hear of (to) to obey to ask for favor
to hear well and deal with
⑤ to hear well and deal with
⑥ to hear well with caution ; to listen carefully
⑦ to inquire to ask
( the following omitted ) 〕
ke-i choh
〔 【 listen 】
to hear with all one's ears to hear eagerly
「 opinion worthy to --- 」 〕
Ke- chiyoh / listen is is, insofar as iken hyome-i / expression of opinion
is concerned, is so explained as to ' hear with all one's ears,' and to
'hear eagerly,' but it seems to mean more than these :
" You say so, but ... "
" With such a trivial matter, are you going to bother me? "
One is apt to make such remarks as those --- i.e., pushing back or
cutting off the other's opinion. Yet, this is not the case of what is re-
quired in the present content : To refrain from negative estimation, to
keep one's temper, and/or to hear calmly and quietly, without ill feel-
ing, bias, or preoccupied ideas, etc., are assumed and required as the
processes / ways proper to be kiki johzu / good listener.
And to be one, it is further required of omo-i yari.
To look it up in the KOJI-EN :
omo-i yari
〔➀ to have consideration for other people imagination
➁ to be thoughtful of shiryo / consideration
➂ to think of the other's circumstance, comparing
it with oe's own. The mind which one tries to
think of, and understand, the other 's standpoint
and feeling. 〕
To go on the Japanese-English Dictionary:
omo-i yari
feeling
omo-i yari ( to --- ) dohjoh / 〔sympathy 〕( for )
∦ have a 〔 don't have much feeling 〕 for the
sufferings of others
consideration
omoiyari ( to ... ) sinshaku /〔 make allowance 〕
( for, of )
∦ show considerations for others
sympathy
dohjou ( for person, things ) omoi yari (for, with )
kindness
understanding
∦ She showed (a) deep understanding toward
me.
regard
ha-i ryo /concern omoiyari (for)
Based on the above cited, the meaning of omo-iyari is, it seems, best
fit to, and conneted to, considerateness, or to thinking of the other
( thoughtfulness ).
It is for one ' to put oneself into another's shoes' ; it is for one to see
as the other sees, to feel as the other feels, and to think as fthe other
thinks. One turns to the other's side, or stands aside the other in try-
ing to grasp and understand the other and the situation in which the
other is involved.
Kiki johzu / good listener, then, means not only to listen well to the
other, but, based on omo-iyari / considerateness. To add a word,
omo-iyari / consideratedness is, in another sense, thoughtfulness.
It is for one to think of the other's feelings and thoughts, etc., in trying
to understand the other's standpoint, to grasp the situation in which the
other is involed. An English phrase / idiom goess --- according to
the English-Japanese Dictionary --- as 'put oneself into 〔 in 〕 O's
shoes.'
To the Oxford Modern Englisj-English Dictionary,
it is explained as:
IDM
be in sb's shoes / put yourself in sub's shoes
to be in, or imagine that you are in, another
person's situation, especially when it is an un-
pleasent or difficult one
To paraphrase it, it is that one sees, feels, and/or thinks as the other
sees, feels, and/or thinks.. That is, for one to see, feel and/or think in
the same as, or in a similar, if not identical, way as the other does.
This,then, implies identification ( or oneness) of self and other.
Omo-i yari / considerateness or thoughtfulness is assumed to be based
this self-other identification.
Still, kiki johzu / good listener requires more than this required fea-
ture of omo-i yari, that is, self-other identification.
We must differentiate one ( self ) and the other (self ).
In order to realize the particular process, we must for a moment go
back to Ma, and one of its sub-components: kyo / emptiness, cinsid-
ered in the III section.
By putting kyo / emptiness between two people (self and other ) iden-
tifed self and other would be cutt off, and separated, and as a result,
there arises self-other differentiation. Then, it makes possible objective
grasp / understanding of the other' stanpoint and/or situation. In order to
not to prolong the state of self-other identification, as it evokes Ma zumari
or Ma narrowed and stuffed, one must put kyo /emptiness or distance
from the other as much as possible,, and walk out, or withdraw into,
one 's sijinteki, sihiteki / personal, privatezone in which one examines
and re-examines information of the other gathered through self-other
identification, putting oneself in the othe's shoes, and establish the other
standpoint.
Kiki johzu / good listner --- to listen well to what the other say is based
on om-i yari / considerateness ; thoughtless about the other, identifica-
tion of oneself with the other, and detachmemt from it ( self- other dif-
ferentiation, or objectification And, this particularity could be considered
to be obviously one of the necessary ways of composing Ma as Hodo
Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither(too) close nor (too) remote
<div> > itself.
⁑ iken kohkan / exchange of opinion ⁑
When two people talk with each other, it they exchange opinion.
Under this circumstance, iken hyohme-i / expression of opinion is not
unilateral, nor monologue, nor one-way speech --- this is, not one-
sided osu / push or press. It is bilateral.
It is also assumed mutual, or reciprocal.
Iken kohkan / exchange of opinion forms a prosess / way in which one
returns opinion to the other, referring to the utterances the other has
previously made, not to mention it, dimplies a ‹ feed-back › process :
a process of ' loop ' type, and if it continually occures, and, in a chain,
the process would be ' spiral.'
Certainly, Ma resides in this kind of ‹ feed-back › process in which opin-
ion is mutually expressed and exchanged between two people in inter-
personal relationship.
" Wait as moment, please. Would you speak more slowly.
Otherwise, I can'nt catch what you've said. "
" Oh! am I speaking so quickly ? I'll try to slow down, and
explain to you all over again. "
Ms. J's pardon she asked to Ms. I is just a chance to preserve / recom-
pose Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too)
<div> close nor (too) remote > . If not, Ma would get confusion, irritation,
upset, etc.
Ms. I stopped speaking. And, made a review over her own behavior,
speaking too hot, and so modified / adjusted it to her future --- that
is cooled down herself, and started to explain to Ms. I calmly and slowly.
It is not that iken kohkan / exchange of opinion always works smoothly
as does the above case, but rather this may be a rare one. Ordinarily,
it is apt to strike a rock, secooping up trouble and difficulties provoked
therein.
Particularly, at the beginning of a conversation, not knowing about
the other's personal circumstances, for example, one is inclined to hesit-
ate to express one's opinion, or, in reverse, to push/ insist it too much
to the other. And, it is a hard, tough period in that one is most likely
to make misunderstanding about the other; It is a stage for both of
groping for what each sees, feels, and thinks of the other.
‹ Trial and error › and modification / adjustment , i.e., ' fine tuning ' be
constantly required.
" What's happened ? "
" I can't see why you don't understand at all what I've
been talking about.
I get confused. "
At this moment, it would be good and proper to try all over again to press
opinion --- like this way;
' what I was going to say, you know, is ... '
And, start to explain plainly, then, one may get rid of misunderstanding
and get understanding.
When the process of iken kohkan / exchange of opinion in ‹ feed-back ›
way is advanced by ‹ trial and error › , Ma between two people turns out
either narrowed, or broadened, depending on the situation.
Anyway, Ma is composed, in iken kohkan / exchange of opinion, when
it is tried in the ‹ feed-back ›, ' loop / spiral ' way.
⁑ joh-ho / concession ⁑
So far we have made some consideration on the context of iken kohkan /
exchange of opinion as one of the sub-components of hanasi a-i / heart-
to-heart talk. In oder for this sub-component, then, to work more effec-
tively, thee process of joh-ho / concession is assumed to be highly nec-
essary.
Firstly, to look up in the KOJI-EN the related word, yusuru, the verb
of Japanse Character of joh-ho :
yuzuru
〔 【 concede 】
➀ to give others what one possesses
( partly omitted )
➁ to commit oneself to oth
➂ to draw back oneself after another
「 --- a way 」 「 do not --- even a step 」
➃ to resign
➄ to be modest to condescend
➅ to pass chance to another 〕
Next,
joh-ho
〔 【 concession 】
➀ to go after another, giving way to him/her
➁ ( transformed ) to refrain from one's own insistence
and follow the other 's opinion
To summerize the above cited meanings / explanations of joh-ho / con-
cession, it is to retreat oneslf, or to step back, and pass chance to other.
But, how it comes, then, to the case of two people interpersonally related.
How do they concede to each other ?
≴ this vase or that one ... ≵
She was wondering whih vase was suitable to welcome
their guest at home.
〔 She has only three vases though, it is not a matter
of number. 〕
When undecided, she was used to ask her husband,
" Which one should I choose ?
" I don't know ... " was her husband 's usual reply.
" You are always uncooperative that way! "
She did not scream this way. Instead, she took back
one step, so keeping a distance or Ma from husband.
She, sitting a sofa for a while cuddling a poodle (
a stuffed toy one ) looked at the garden, --- that is,
controled and calmed down, herself, the living room,
then, showed a different affppearance; she could natural-
ly decide which vase to choosed ford her guests tomor-
row.
For joh-ho / concession to be, it is necessary to stand a step backward.
Yet, it does not mean to refrain from iken hyome-i / expression of opin-
ion. It means to withdraw a little in order to deep distance, or Ma as
Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close nor (too)
<div> remote > between two poeple in interpersonal relationships.
This 'a little ' indicates a step --- i.e., a step for joh-ho / concession.
This ' step ' is apparently hard to measure, to grasp. In kwhat degree,
then, the partiullar ' step ' should be properly settled?
Opinion or insistence, when excessively expressed, is prone to acceler-
ate and escalate to the degree that Ma would get narrowed down to Ma
zumari / Ma stuffed. This Ma zumari would cause collision and conflict,
trouble and difficulties, etc.
Contrary to it, two people interpersonally related concede with hesita-
tion or difference, or step backward excessively, it would apart them
so remote to each other : No chance is there to make use of joh-ho /
concession between them.
Neither more than ' a step ' nor less than ' a step.' It must be ' a step 7
taken to some moderate / modest degree, so to speak.
≴ once he was a playboy ... ≵
He was very populer among girls when young, and so
enjoyed his youth, dating with a lot of girlfriends ---
so recalled and confessed this former good-lookimg play-
boy.
"Then, didn' t you get into trouble with your girlfriends,
so often changing them one after another ? "
" No, not a bit. 'cause it was always me who got turn-
ed down. "
Yes, it must be so ; A ' good ' playboy is good at getting turned down,
dumped.
He did not fly high regardless of his popularity; cool enough to know
significance of joh-ho --- ' a step ' backward.
When he began to feel no need of her ( a friend of his ), he dodged
' a little '. For example, to be late for date.
Of course, he apologized her sincerely.
' I'm so verry sorry, I'm so busy with work, this week. '
So behaving, he gradually broke her romantic feeling about him.
A change came in her attitude : she began to cool down herself, and
'sour-grape' reaction.
I thought he would do anything for me. He was really a
' Prince Charming ' to me.
Now he breaks my promises with him.
He's certainly good-looking, but only by his appearance.
I'm much disappointed in him.
I'll stop thinking of him, and never go out with him any-
more. '
At last, from ' sour-grapes ' reaction to ' give-up . '
She flatly dumped him, a most popular playboy.
He who, as he himself expected, got perfectly turned down, and
openly and joyfully dashed to his new pretty girlfriend.
--- in a 'Hop-Step- and-Jump' mode.
To retreat ' a little,' or stand back ' one step' sometimes accompanies
such negative factors as pain and disadvantageous. However, which
situation it may be, if one tries to pursue the plus factors only and thou-
ghly, the reversal (of fortune ) may come to, which would cause a se-
vere burn or even fatal injury.
This case of the former popular, good-looking playboy was turned down.
This turn-down state of mind certainly something pretty negative for him.
He is broad-minded, indeed. He dared make concession, which brought
to himself a considerable pain regardless.
Joh-ho / concession needs tolerance of some degree; And the result
rather than the process is favorable and desired, for one who has con-
ceded, it is assumed as quite successful.
It is that, one should not expect much nor aim too high; to attempt
at getting all to oneself is a ' taboo ' here.
The sweet scent of success would be found in the modest degree of
behavior --- joh-ho / concession.
≴ daughter's room ≵
Her clothes and small belongings such as accessries, hand-
bags, shoes, scarves, etc., all flooded out of her closet,
occupied her room, which in turn pressed and broke the
door of her room, flooding again onto the corridor, down
to the staircase, and into the living room.
Mother, her patience her patience has at last snapped:
' Clean up all those things and your room.'
She was almost about to so shout out, somehow kept
it to herself kept to herself --- that is to say, she, with
patience, took a step backward, and so conceding, asked
her daughter softly and tenderly;
' Can't you do something with your belongins ? '
Daughter was just going to screaming aloud this way;
' You know I'm so very busy. I've got so many things
to do! '
But, the behavior she actually showed was : she
retreated a step backward, and said to her mother in
a condescending way;
' I really think I must do something ... '
Mother having enabled to pull out her daughter's
joh-ho / concession, nodded. ' My daughter has a
willingness to straighten her '
So, she showed her daughter an understanding, re-
membering that she had once said, ' my job is worthy to
challenge, but, keepsme too busy, and it's too hard.
Now, it Mother' s turn to concede a step backward.
In stead of shouting against her daughter ;
' You don't clear up room after all, however eagerly
I might tell to you, I'll do so right now! That'll be bet-
ter with you!, ' she said not in a high-handed way, but;
' Why don't you try to clean up your room ?
Mama may help you. '
Here 's her daughter's response:
' Well, I would't Mama to clean up my room.'
( It makes her feel intruded by her mother into her
sijinteki, sihiteki /personal, private zone.)
' It is my responsibility to do so, I know very well,' so
I have to appreciate Mama's offer, 'cause I still am
scattering around things, messing the whole house.
' I can't talk big. '
She, controlling herself, conceded a step backward.
Joh-ho / concession to each other dissolves Ma zumari / Ma narrowed
and stuffed, and keep room for each where each can consider the mess-
ed situation cool and calmly, which would give rise to composition of
Ma as Hodo Hodo / modrate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close nor
<div> (too) remote > between Mother and her daughter.
Eventually, Daughter's room got cleaned up fine, and so did all her
belongings scattered here and there in the house.
⁑ dakyoh / compromise ⁑
If two people repeatedly make joh-ho / concession to each other, even
though it is only one step to stand backward, they would finally disappeard
out of each other's sight.
Joh-ho / concession in interpersonal relationshipsd connotes --- al-
though it is again a kind of antinomy --- ayumi yori.
To go back to the episode of Mother and Daughter as above sketched,
they, while conceding to each other, attempted to walk toward, or ap-
proach, each other, which resulted in composition Ma as Hodo Hodo /
modeste and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close nor (too) remote >.
What is indispensable is for joh-ho / concession is, then, ayumi yori,
it is the word expressed by the Japanese Character, corresponding to
almost synonymously to dakyoh / compromise.
To retrieve it from the KOJI-EN:
dakyoh
〔 【 compromise 】
that one or both sides of opposing parties try to meet
halfway, searching for a point of consensus to settle
things.
「 --- no yochi ha na-i 」 / 「 no room for --- 」
「 --- -an 」 / 「 a plan of --- 」
As the related word of dakyoh: dakyh ten
dakyoh ten
〔 【 point of compromise 】
the place where both sides arrive at consensus by
mutually ayumi yotte / walking toward,or approach
each other. the place where they can reach orea-i /
accommodation 〕
To look up the underlined word, ayumi yotte, or ayumi yori in the KOHJI-
EN:
ayumi yori
〔 【 walk toward ; approach 】
to meet halfway to approach both sides' condition
or opinion ayumi a-i / walk toward mutually 〕
ore a-u
〔 【 meet halfway 】
to concede each other to mutually make a conces-
sion to meet halfway 〕
To take a glance at the above cited meanings of dakyoh / compromise
is linked in a chain, that is: ' concede ' --- ' to meet halfway --- ' to
walk toward / approach mutually.'
So grasped, dakyoh / compromise could be assumed to be ' to walk
toward ' / ' approach mutually, ' or ayumi yori. Ayumiyori, in a closer
examination, is the process / way in which two people walk toward, or
approach, each other in advancing a step mutually.
This mutuality can be understood as one that is similar to joh-ho / con-
session. Dakyoh /compromise is, to repeat, assumed as the process by
which two people walk toward / approaoch mutually or each other,
meeting halfway in search for, and arrival at, consesus. Further, it im-
plies, contrary to joh-ho / concession implying to take a ' step ' forward.
This step must not be a fradical, or hasty, hot-heated. If so, it would
become the causes of trouble and difficulties. It must, then, be a small,
short one.
A large step or stride should be handed over to another chance ---
a track meet, for example. For composition of Ma in interpersonal re-
lationships, the step, neither (too) large nor (too) small, that modest
is assumed as best.
Incidentally,
For dakyoh / compromise the factor of ' eclectic ' or secchuh should not
be overlooked.
To retrieve the word from the KOHJI-EN:
secchuh
〔 【 electic 】
to take up the proper part, choosing whether this or
that 〕
Secchuh / eclectic does not seem to mean to halve one thing / event
into two, or select the middle of it, but to pick up the proper or good
proportion of things. In other words, it means shusha sentadku.
shusha sentaku
〔 【 choice ; selection 】
to select good and useful things, abandoning bad,
useless ones 〕
Shush sentaku / choice; selection, to paraphrase it in the present
context, does not mean to split the difference, but is meant to pick up,
or choose the good and useful or proper of thing event. In passing,
how to determine between good or bad, and useful or useless of opini-
on expressed / exchanged by people would be settled in terms of how
effective it would be for their interpersonal relationships.
By the way, as for dakyoh / compromise, what types of processes /
ways are there in interpersonal relationships ?
To list up some:
a ) mixing type
b ) ' going-my-way ' type
c ) bergaining type
I would like, now, to consider the type a) by sketching the episode as
below:
≴ making a fancy cake ≵
They just started learning to make cake.
" Let's try to make acake all by ourselves! "
The two friends agreed with this challenge.
Each of them prepared each's own favorite ingredients of
cake.
" Which one, soybea milk or (cow) milk, is better? "
They both somewhat hesitated and could'nt definitely say
which. Awkwardness kept them apart; Ma between them
fairly loose and distant.
With respect for each 's opinion, a mixture of soybean
milk and (cow) milk of half amount was chosen to fmake a
sponge cake. They conceded to each other, in the meantime,
they approached each other a little, a step forward, arriving
at a small consensus / eclectic point, which seemed to release
them from ( awkwardness ), and gave them relaxation.
Ma or kyohri / distance between them, then, became a little
close.
" May I use chocholate ? " asked Ms J.
" Oh, I happened to bring one, too. "
So responded Ms. K, surprised with the unexpected coinci-
dence. They, looking at each other, joined in a little laughter.
Through particular coincidence, they approach each other
to some degree: Ma began to form that of Hodo Hodo /
moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither close nor remote >.
Crushing up cholorate ars into pieces and mixing them
with the dough, they made a chocholate-marbled sponge
cake covered with whipped cream over it.
" What about topping of the cake? "
Each of them brought different ingredients: blueberries
and strawberries. After a small discussion ( or, consensus ) to
make fruit sauce, a mixture of two different kinds of berries.
Ms. K, her strawberries, but, if each insisted each 's person-
al taste strongly, the efforts they have so far made would
go for nothing.
Ma is sensitive and delicate.
It, in its compositio, would be, in an instant, destroyed.
Conceding to ech other, the two again proposed a new com-
promise. " Let's make a mixed sauce! "
" Blueberry sauce with strawberry taste, or vice ? "
" It seems pretty amusing amusing. Let's try, how it
comes no one will know."
" Well, it sounds worthy to challenge. "
They poured the mixed sauce on the whipped cream
spread over the chololate-marbled sponge cake, decor-
ated with some blueberries and strawberries left for it,
and put tiny leaves of basil on the top.
And that was the finish.
The finished fancy cake looked like requiring guts, or
courage and determination to eat, but, between the two
friends there appeared a warm-hearted and joyful dis-
tance of Ma was obviously composed.
Dakyoh / compromise of ' mixing ' type is a process / way in which
two people, without insisting too much each's opinion ( feeling, thought,
taste, etc. ) to the other, redpeatedly exchange small concessions and
approaches to arrive at small consensuses of eclectic type, whenever it
is necessary, accommodating / adjusting each other's opinion.
Next, to the ' going-my-way' type of dakyoh / compromise.
≴ city-lover and country-lover ≵
At the openning period of their romantic encounter,
they gave way to each other on their opinion. And amused,
showed much interest in teach other 's taste and concerns,
yet, not so much involved in their relationship that Ma as
Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close
<div> nor (too) remote> was modestly maintained.
As they repeated hot dates --- distance between them
became much closer and more intimate, they began to feel
uneasy in that something was going wrrong, and had to
face a growing discrepancy between them.
She is a city-girl. She loves to live in a luxurious apart-
ment, and enjoy fashionable shopping, and a weekend
groumet.
On the other hand, he is a pastoral type.
His dream was: to remodel an old, traditional farmer 's
house, to treat his friends / guests by Japanese cuisines
with fresh vegetable gathered from his organic faming
backyard.
They could make concession and comprimises, modest
and proper, to each other over general matters such as
music, movie, sports, etc., but, when it comes to their
' way of life,' or, we should say, ' philosophy of life, they
have the last line they each could hardly concede : each
of them insisted on each's own firmly and obstinately.
They had heated discussion on this matter again and
again, but it always, to their regrets, resulted in parallel
lines. Ma they so far faimtained, then, grew worse and
worse, and into aggravation.
The conclusion they have reached was : to have respect
for each other's opinion, and to choose each's respective
way / philosophy of life.
He preferred living in the country side; she, in the suburb.
They agreed to meet halfway, when their schedules coincided.
They took up each's own residence --- not too near (/close)
nor too far (/remote) from the heart of a city, and not too
distant from the country side, within an hour or so it would
take for their edncounter.
This was a secchuh / eclectic result of dakyoh / compro-
mise they strugglingly reached.
Since distance is kept modestly, between them, Ma would
be renewed, and re-composed accordingly.
In order to make dakyoh / compromise, it is unnecessary to achieve
together the same goal ( the content of consensus ) to be mutually
shaed; it is sufficient, if they could find a consensus, somewhere, some-
place, through the process making dakyuh / compromize.
To recapture:
Dakyoh / compromise, it must be assumed, is the process / way where
two people, at first, struggle hard with differences or discrepancies caus-
ing a lot of trouble and difficulties, but, in due course, they, in making
an attempt at joh-ho / concession mutual approach and meeing half-way,
search for, and arriveat, a consensus or an eclectic point of their opinion.
Now,
I would like to proceed to the latter part of dakyoh / conpromise ---
that is, consensus and eclectic point, Ma to be re-composed therein.
≴ runaway ... ≵
" You are too late to come home. It's nine o'clock. I always
tell you to come back before six so that you can be in time
for supper. And before anytthing it is not safe at night
recently, you know, don't you ? "
So shouting out, I got very furious about my daughter.
Then, she ran away. "
" I could'nt get a wink of sleep that night.
But during the night, I cooled down myself, wondering
I was a bit too harsh on her, and waited for her. Then,
she returned safe, so I felt so much relieved. I was again
about to get in a fury at her, but kept it to myself, and
asked her warmly.
' As for our curfew of six o'clock, is it too severe for you ?
But, how did you ever spend time that night? '
She replied, to my shock, that she went to see a movie.
She said she wanted to have a change of air, tired and
annoyed with preparation for entrance exam.
Since it is not good time to come back late at night,
when you want to go out for seeing movie, tell Mama so,
Mama will go along with you.
Well, certainly Mama 's favorite star is Kabuki player,
who is yours ? Don't mind. Mama 'll accompany you,
and see the movie he, your favorite one, is starring.
In exchange ( for Mama's offer ) our curfew is definitely
this: You must come back at six flatly. Is it clear?
' No, absolutely not. It's too much. I'm no longer
a child, ' claimed my daughter.
Then, I responded : No you are not a child, without doubt,
but, that's why I get so anxious about you. Regarding
our curfew, Mama does keep my ground.
What ? Are you ranning away again ?
But where, on the earth, were you that night when ran
away?
Scolded by Mama that you were too lazy, you got so
upset and went to a friend of yours to have chat with her,
taking sweets, and so much preoccupied with it, it was
around midnight before you noticed when.
So you felt scared to walk home so late at night, and
decided to run away ?
〔 Her runaway was to stay at her friend's
home overnight. 〕
How much worried Mama can't tell. You see ?
In that case, be sure that you can call Mama by cell-phone,
Mama will pick you up before it gets dark.
All right ? "
But you know, I was in the middle of runnaway ...
Should I call you, who ever make you a call, while running
away ?
" Of course, you should. Mama wanted you to call her just
because you were running away. Does it sound funny ?
And, Mama should like to apologize your friend's mother
for your overnight stay. "
" I think it's polite to do so, but is there any daughter in this
world to tell her mother where she is now, while running
away? "
" It's quite all dright if there is, isn't it ? "
" Well, you win. Next time I run away, I 'll make you phone-
call. So you agree I can stay out at seven.
" No, definitely no ! It's six. It's already winter, so com-
pletely dark outside.
ーーー to be continued
Taking a review of the above sketched episode in consideration of Ma ;
Mother raised cry of anger at her daughter who came home so late at
night.
At this moment, in between the two, there mounted tension highly and
Ma got declined to Ma zumari / narrowed and choking Ma.
Daughter, then, took a runaway which produced a distance, remoteness,
giving Mother room to regain control over herself. Mother relieved at
her daughter 's safe return, acted to her modestly by which Ma as
Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close nor (too)
<div> remote > was beginning to be preserved.
As Mother continued talking with her daughter, Ma is properly main-
tained, and Daughter having escaped into her sijinteki, sihiteki / personal,
private zone got out of her cautiousness, and started to talk about her
feelings and thoughts to her mother. Here, needless to say, maintenance
of Ma between the two was required as indispensable.
Further, Mother conceded to her daughter about the favorite (movie
star) which means that, at this point, they reached a compromise. Then,
Daughter got relaxed and so did Mother --- it could be so assumed.
Yet this assumption was only a temporary one.
When it came to the matter of their curfew ( coming back home at six ),
' détent ' was broken / dissolved, and the distance between them, or
Ma became intensified all over again.
Daughter impatiently raised her claim to her mother, the atmosphere
there grew all the more tense and stressful, and at last, Ma as Hodo
Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither close nor remote > dis-
appeared.
At the denial by Mother, her daughter made persistent claim against
the 6:00 p.m. curfew, threatening she would run away again. There left
no room for dakyoh / compromise any more.
Mother was not discouraged in any sense. She even insisted her strong
will and policy. They opposed each other, and were driven and were
driven to the worst situation.
Daughter, then, suddenly took a lower posture, it showed an attitude
of ayumi yori, or walking toward /approaching her mother.
A glimplse of Ma could once more be caught.
' Do you demand me to call you while I running away ?'
Looking astonished, she chuckled with an air of affection and humor some-
where. Mother insistently showing the negative response against her
daughter, also recognized her insisting attitide as a little absurd, with
a bit bitter smile to herself. Joh-ho / concession and dakyoh / compromise
were, it is assumed, attained. It seemed, here, tension between the two
got loosened and relaxed, so Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku
Furi / began to appear.
However, Mother stiffened when her daughter urgently claimed for the
new curfew ( 7:00 ) which Mother, as a matter of course, flatly rejected.
Ma as Hodo Hodo / Fusoku Furi was again seen nowhere.
Instead, distance with high tension grew, and narrowed was Ma between
the two to Ma zumari / Ma stuffed. It is anticipated that there would yet
continue to occur one upset or two in this Mother-Daughter relationship.
But, that is what the everyday world of interpersonal relationships is,
since it consists of trouble and difficulties, confusions and conflicts, etc.
Not a flat place.
And, that is why composition of Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku
Furi / is desparately required and desired.
In the long run, there would come the day when things would be settled
down --- properly.
To summarize the above three cases ( episodes ) :
Dakyoh / comprimise in interrelationships two repeatedly make joh-ho /
concession and ayumi yori / walking toward ord approach mutually in
trying to meet halfway, or exploring an eclectic point --- all in order to
attain, or to arrive at, consensus aimed at that moment.
Whichever the case may be, the content of dakyoh / compromise must
be, and, what is more is: Dakyoh is not localized at a sheer point ( pin-
point ) of consensus. A feel of ' around / about ' here ( this range ) would
be suitable and appropriate to take the point.
Still one more word to add:
It is not a matter of quick decision / solution which may evoke collision
and conflicts, and thereby dakyoh / comprimise would recede. Taking
enough time is by far better in firmly composing Ma, and better results
could be expected.
⁑ appearance of a new sekai-kan / world-view ⁑
In terms of hanasi a-i / heart-to-heart talk in interpersonal relation-
ships, to review, one exchanges opinion with another expressing it
clearly and manifestly, and, at the same time, listens well to what the
other says, putting oneself in the other's shoes ( with omo-i yari / con-
siderateness; thoughtfulness ) , and, consequently, deepens mutual
understanding.
This is exactly the process / way which produces and compose Ma as
Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close nor (too)
<div> remote > --- usually in a ' twists and turns ' mode.
And, here is something to pay attention: as a result of composition of
Ma, a new world (-view ) --- or, to paraphrase, the ways of seeing,
feeling, and thinking would be created between two people interperson-
ally related.
≴ her cool son ≵
She sat down in a chair, see absent-mindedly her son play-
ing.
He was playing with his toys at his own pace; he, as usual,
took an absolutely unconcerdned attitude toward his mama,
whether or not she screams out, irritatedly and nervously.
He has just become three years old, but seemed to have
known so well how to deel with such a situation as that.
He was composedly absorbed in playing with his favorite toys
between him and his mother who sat at a table, resting her
chin on her hand, a relatively fair distance seemed to be
kept, and so did Ma to a proper degree.
Mother was caught by a mode of reflection / self-exam-
ination. " Well, I think I might as well follow his attitude."
She was the type of personality, always too sensitive to
people around her, which usually made her feel, particular-
ly after coming home, so exhausted both mentally and
physically that irritation mounted up, and, at times, she took
it out on her young son.
' If only I become not too sensitive or vulnerable to other
people, I would be able to take everything easy and relax-
ed. ' It seemed to her, thanks to her son, his attitide, keep-
ing Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither
<div> (too) close nor (too) remote >, that a new seka-i kan / world
view revealed as developing to the future.
≴ changing a lifestyle ≵
A couple of working man and woman.
Their offices were of different kinds, and differently located.
Both were so busy that they had to lead each's life almost
without contact and conversation.
Ma between them grew not Fusoku Furi, but rather too remote,
and so it was in a state of Ma doh-i / Ma distanced.
What is worse, whenever they meet --- which has seldom
happened though, but desiring to do so regardless, they were
eventually much frustrated, forced into disputes with sharp
tongue. This, regretattably, occured frequently.
However, not to the fatal quarrel.
It was because they each felt each's job worthwhile and re-
warding, and so could sublimate their frustration or negative
energy into positive one.
A sudden tragedy hit him.
Husband was laid off by his company's restructuring, because
of long-termed business recession.
" It's quite all right. You can count on me, " said his wife in
a little composed mood. She got high spirited, felt as if chal-
lenged. But shortly after this, she herself also lost her job.
What a shame it is !
But, nevertheless, they turned misfortune into blessing.
Being smart enough to attempt at positive thinking, they
could break through this unfortunate circumstance.
They changed from a single, solitary life of almost no contact
and conversation with each other to a co-life always staying
together.
For a while collisions and conflicts were experienced between
the couple as they were not yet accustomed to the lifestyle they
have newly started, but they gradually came to a conclusion
that it would be a very precious thing for them spending time
together.
Ma as Hodo Hodo /moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither
<div> close nor remote > was beginning to appear.
This Ma also gave them chance to have hanasi a-i / heart-
to-heart talk about each other's situation ( / standpoint ) and,
to arrive at mutual understanding.
They further could attain mutual agreement in deciding to
lead a slow life, or LOHAS, land enjoyed it heartily. We can
see here that a new seka-i kan / world view has just appeared
before the couple.
Luckily, she could find a new job again and, then, so could
he --- there went a re-start of life, slowly and lesurely.
Conguratulations !
And bon voyage !
≴ spiritual power ≵
The tomcat, Leo, quietly lied down on a rug at the corner of
her atelier.
She, a beloved member his host family, was at work, obsess-
sed with painting --- or, rather, frustrated by a dry-up in-
spiration, wondering how to deal with this terrible situation,
and withered away.
It was when, then, Leo sneaked in.
He did not straightly come near her, but to the corner of
her aterier, keeping a proper distance or Ma from here.
After a while, she found herself recovering motivaion and
enthusiasm for painting.
It's Leo : he gave to her his spiritual power. This was done
and possible, for there properly maintainedd Ma as Hodo Hodo/
moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close nor (too)
<div> remote > which was sufficient for him to do so.
If she took up Leo, and cuddled him, such an intimate, close
as this might have released her frustration, but Leo himself
would struggle hard to get away from her, which would waste
his energy, his spiritual power, and ultimately would fail to en-
courage her who was then in serious letdown.
Ma was preserved between them so that Leo could continu-
ally send power to her.
She suddenly felt inspired with ideas, and could get out of
her struggling, frustrated situation ; --- an anticipation of
pruducing a splendid work, if not a masterpiece.
She also felt a flood of spirit coming up in herself.
She stood up, started to confidently make composition of
work ( picture ) and got engaged in it.
Leo, after making sure of her recovery, returned back to
his favorite spot under the chestnut tree in the garden.
What kind of seka-i kan / world view was opened to Leo
no human knows. ' As-usual ' one or else ?
Anyway:
" Thank you so much Leo ... "
She murmured, looking from the window at Leo now relaxed
with contentment.
Her work, although it was in was in herd self-estimation
not the one as called ' masterpiece ,' she said to herself,
' I think I have done fairly well.
I' m so much satisfied. '
She looked happy and pleasant.
Lastly, let us review and reconsider appearance of new seka-i kan /
world view.
The new seka-i kan / world view, it is assumed, appears ' onozu to '.
According to KOHJI-EN:
onozu to
〔 hitori de ni/ ( as it appears ) by itself sizen ni /
naturally onozu kara / ( as it appears ) spnteni-
ously 〕
Onozu to means in a sense spontaneous, that is, not in that one grasps
seka-i kan / world view with intention, or consciously, but faces it as it
appears by itself or in its way. The intentional / conscious action from
a state of open-mindedness, or kyosin tanka-i ---
one own side is simply unnecessary, or rather just a hindrance for seka-i
kan / world view to appear, or to be emerged.
If one keeps a state of open-mindedness, or kyosin tanka-i ---
whose meaning is explained by the KOHJI-EN as :
kyosin tanka-i
〔 the mind which is frank and without any malice,
or to face the world with such frank mind 〕
To paraphrase it, referring to Ma, the region of kyo / emptiness as con-
sidered in the III, that is, colorless and neutral, andpolicy,and gets en-
gaged in Ma as Hodo Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi < neither (too)
<div> nor (too) remote >, a new seka-i kan / world view would come out onozu
kara, naturally and spontaneously as it does, appear before one.
Further, in interpersonal relationships, the situation varies and diversifies
depending on how two people are involved in it. That is, it is contingent
on the situation involved at that moment, which implies ’ situation by
situation.'
Therefore, the content of seka-i kan / world view could not be defined
beforehand; it is full of possibilities in the future. It is impossible to
limit, fixate, etc. It goes almost infinite.
This seka-i kan / world view also embraces change / alteration. Ap-
pearance of a new one is meant emergence. It is different from the pre-
vious one --- although it dseems as ' as-usual ' matter that the given
situation of two people itslf remain the same as before.
Still, it is still true that a different viewpoint give rise to a different-
world.
Change / alteration of viewpoint is various and diverse, needless to say.
And angles to view the world are also various and diverse --- they may
be like the compound eyes of a dragonfly, or like a bird's eye.
Moreover, the angle of viewing is not fixed, nor determined ; It is free
to view the world from any angle one prefers.
Degree or size of alteration / change is various and diverse.
From small to large ; from major change to minor alterations. Inter-
personal redlationships, accumulation of minor alterations would promote
appearance of a hew seka-i kan / world view.
This kind of alteration of seka-i kan / world view could be assumed of
of freedom of choice. It is unnecessary to keep a new one throughly for the
reason that it has once been attained.
If the new viewpoint is found not to work properly or appropriately on the
given situation as expected at first sightt, one had better search and reach
another new one through ' trial-and-error. '
To sum up:
The ' world ' of seka-i kan / world view implied the situation in which
two people in intrpersonal relationships are involved, and appearance of
a view to this situation (= seka-i / the world ) is featured by nothing but
onozu to --- by itself as it does, naturally / spontaneously.
Seka-i kan / world view newly appeared is different from the previous one,
and diverse with many possibilities, for example, freedom of choice.
That is to say, in seka-i kan /world view is embraced change / alteration;
and anticipated of modification through ' trial-and-error, ' and ' situation
by situation ' at the given moment ( situation ).
Such seka-i kan / world view kis assumed to appear after Ma as Hodo
Hodo / moderate and Fusoku Furi / < neither (too) close nor (too) re-
<div> mot > has been composed. Nevertheless, it should be emphasized that
seka-i kan / world view is attained through, or in the process of, com-
posing Ma, which ultimately contributes much to composition of Ma.
To repeat, it is that seka-i kan / world view is produced for composi-
tion of Ma and, by virtue of it, it is attained.
Ma is maintained and composed for and through interpersonal relation-
ships, working as ' lubricant ' to them, and encourages their develop-
ment / continuance. Conversely, Ma is insppired vitality and energy
by interpersonal relationships.
--- And, this is the final remark to our theme : 《 Ma and interper-
son relationships 》
Ma is a living thing.
It is ubiquitous.
It does appear at any time, any place, whatsoever.
Ma is like a mirage.
Elusive, delicate, incomprehensible and vague;
It is a mysterious, wonderful creature of human made
--- by the Yamato ( Japanese ) tribe.
a
I
I
...
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